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» Seventh Day Adventure: Week 13

The biggest game this week is the Iron Bowl, where the playoff hopes of Alabama, Auburn, and Georgia hang in the balance.

16 Sep 2016

The Week In Quotes: September 16, 2016

by Rob Eves

YO MAMA SO DIRTY, SHE MAKES THE BRONCOS LOOK CLEAN

"Just because we hit Cam (Newton) in the head a couple of times, that doesn't make us dirty. Look at some of the dirty plays in the league. There are a lot of dirty players, and that's not our M.O."

-- Denver Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall, excusing his team's late hits on Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton during the opening game of the season. (Pro Football Talk)

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...

"I really like the officiating crew. It wasn't something I know they did intentionally, but it's not fun getting hit in the head."

-- Newton, confirming what we already suspected about getting hit in the head. (ESPN)

NOM NOM NOM

"There were no arguments. Those are called ass-chewings."

-- Alabama Crimson Tide head coach Nick Saban, explaining the one-sided nature of his sideline tirades against offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin after Alabama gave up a late touchdown off an offensive turnover in their 38-10 win over Western Kentucky. (Cecil Hurt, Tuscaloosa News)

STILL HUNGRY FOR WINS

"I won more games without it than did with it in."

-- Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan, discussing the recent removal of his gastric Lap Band, which restricted his food consumption and allowed him to lose more than 100 pounds, after "bad experiences" with it. (New York Post)

I WOULD JUST THROW THE TAPE OUT

"I'm a left guard… I don't see the entire field. I don't see the box. I'm not sitting up in a press box. I can't see the entire field. I have to watch the tape. Thank you."

-- Buffalo Bills offensive guard Richie Incognito, struggling to explain his team's poor offensive performance in their 13-7 loss against the Baltimore Ravens. (Buffalo News)

THIS I WOULD PAY TO SEE

"Good thing ESPN isn't coaching the Raiders"

-- Oakland Raiders head coach Jack Del Rio, reacting to ESPN's criticism of his decision to go for two, down 33-34 with 47 seconds remaining in the game. (Jack Del Rio, Twitter)

…UNLIKE GENO SMITH

"It probably wasn't one of my better games… I can take a punch on the chin."

-- New York jets cornerback Darrelle Revis, bemoaning his performance against Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver A.J. Green, who caught 12 passes for 180 yards and a touchdown on "Revis Island." (New Jersey Star-Ledger)

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS HE WILL BE SICK OF BUFFALO QUESTIONS

"I told you we've moved onto Buffalo… Unless you've got Buffalo questions, I ain't going to be here long."

-- New York Jets head coach Todd Bowles, doing his best impersonation of New England Patriots head coach Bill "we're moving onto Cincinnati" Belichick. (New York Post)

WHEN THE TV TALKS TO YOU...

"Hello Tom."

-- Sunday Night Football announcer Al Michaels, giving a shoutout during the Patriots' game against the Arizona Cardinals to suspended New England quarterback Tom Brady, who is currently banned from interacting with his team and was likely watching the game from home. (NBC)

MUST BE A SUN BELT COLLEGE

"Marty, The Imagination Agency"

-- Patriots tight end Martellus Bennett, introducing himself on NBC's Sunday Night Football (NBC)

THE LOWEST FORM OF WIT

"I'm really concerned about the storyline... nothing concerns me more than the storyline… I can't wait to read it tomorrow."

-- New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, humoring the assembled media during his press conference following the Patriots' 23-21 win over the Arizona Cardinals. (New England Patriots)

JIMMY GALAPAGOS?

"That's our goal, we're playing to win games, to win our division, and the Patriots are in our division, so most definitely we have the team to beat… I can't say it, 'Garaloppo' or (Tom) Brady… I definitely don't know how to pronounce his name, I know there's a couple of L's and P's in there."

-- Buffalo Bills wide receiver Robert Woods, mispronouncing the name of the Patriots' current fill-in quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo. (SI.com)

IT'S NOT PRESEASON ANYMORE, MIKE

"Actually we think (Jurrell Casey) ought to play less, a few snaps less… I'm not talking a dramatic amount. But we thought after watching him and the way he plays, probably less."

-- Tennessee Titans head coach Mike Mularkey, reasoning that the Titans defense will get the most out of its best player, defensive end Jurrell Casey, by playing him less. (The Tennesseean)

OFFICIALLY WINNING AT LIFE

"Nothing to a boss."

-- Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown, shrugging off two NFL fines this week following the Steelers' win over Washington on Monday night, one for excessively celebrating a touchdown and the other for wearing blue cleats. (Jeremy Fowler, ESPN)

LESS-THAN OPTIMAL LOGIC?

"No comment. L.O.L."

-- Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant, actually commenting on Washington's tactics against Pittsburgh Steelers star wide receiver Antonio Brown, who was covered at cornerback by Bashaud Breeland and not All-Pro Josh Norman. Dallas and Washington face each other this coming Sunday. (Yahoo! Sports)

FIREARMS ACCIDENTS? THAT'S 7-9 BULL***T

"They are not a better football team than us. We shot ourselves in the foot."

-- Los Angeles Rams wide receiver Tavon Austin, excusing his team's 28-0 loss to the San Francisco 49ers on Monday Night Football. Austin himself managed a grand total of 13 yards on 12 targets. (Kevin Jones, KNBR)

… AND ANALYTICS WEBSITES QUOTES ARTICLES

"I just think it's good for sports talk radio.''

-- Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer, explaining his decision to delay the announcement of his starting quarterback for Week 2 between incumbent Shaun Hill and newly traded-for Sam Bradford. (Chris Tomasson, St. Paul Pioneer Press)

GUILTY CONSCIENCE?

"I have never eaten a booger in my entire life… That might have looked like what was happening. But I think if you rub your nose and then you bite your fingernail, that's not eating a booger now… There was no booger eating. Let me clear the air. For clarity here, for the record, I have never eaten a booger in my entire life."

-- University of Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh, denying eating a booger on the sidelines during the Wolverines' 51-14 win over the UCF Knights last Saturday, or any other time for that matter. (MLive Media Group)

THEY TOLD ME I COULD BE ANYTHING

"Before, all I could do is just watch CNN or just watch Fox or just watch; I wasn't a participating member in all decisions… I (still) can't be the president, which is something that I've always wanted to do, but I can do other things."

-- Washington guard Arie Kouandjio, expressing his delight at recently being made an American citizen. Kouandjio was born in Cameroon and moved to the U.S. at age 6. (Washington Post)

KETCHUP, MUSTARD, AND SALT

"We selected an all blue color rush uniform, but as the road team, we had to switch to all white since the Patriots would be in all blue. The hope and expectation will be for the team to wear the uniform next season."

-- Houston Texans' PR team, moaning about not getting to wear their first choice uniform for their "Color Rush" game against the New England Patriots on September 22. (Texans PR, Twitter)

MAKE COLLEGE FOOTBALL GREAT AGAIN

"We have the atmosphere of a (junior college) softball game. I mean, that's what we are -- a JC softball team. As long -- it's not whether you win or lose, it's like the team that wins is the one that has the most fun. Crap like that. All that stuff that's contaminated America where they give every kid a trophy, and they don't keep score in little league anymore… I think that entire thing is retarding the competitive spirit of America… You know if you want to be nice to them and all this kumbaya crap, I mean that doesn't work. "

-- Washington State Cougars head coach Mike Leach, getting into his team, junior college softball, fun, and being nice to people following the Cougars' 0-2 start. (Aaron Levine, KCPQ)

Posted by: Rob Eves on 16 Sep 2016

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