by Cale Clinton
THERE IS NO HUNTING LIKE THE HUNTING OF CHILDREN
"If they all flipped and attacked you how many could you take?" -- Twitter user @44DesignCo to Baker Mayfield, asking what would happen if the squads of children at the Cleveland Browns quarterback's summer camp suddenly turned violent.
"Which age group? As a general thought, I say at least 50+" -- Mayfield, in response. "You're selling yourself short. Gotta escape the pocket, reset, and take out 8-10 at a time." -- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, interjecting with the wisdom of a seasoned veteran. (Tom Brady, Twitter)
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
"Everybody do NOT support Myles' Candles, that s**t don't last two days." -- Jacksonville Jaguars running back Leonard Fournette took to Instagram Live with teammate cornerback Jalen Ramsey to roast Jags linebacker Myles Jack's side hustle, a homemade candle business.
"What that s**t called? 'Candles by Myles?' 'Myles Made?' … That n***a at home making candles, supposed to be at home studying the goddamn playbook" -- Ramsey piles it on and continues to crack jokes about Jack's entrepreneurial venture (Demetrius Harvey, Locked On Jaguars via Twitter)
I DON'T FEEL TARDY
"This process, it feels like I'm the new kid in school again. You know, go to the school for a minute, you've been the man for a minute. Then you go to the new school, you're kind of learning but it's, like, exciting at the same time." -- New York Jets running back Le'Veon Bell is a 27-year-old with 5 years of NFL experience. However, after a year of leave from football and a change of scenery, he's feeling like the new kid on campus. (NFL.com)
NO GOOD WEDDING EVER HAD A CASH BAR
"It's open bar for everybody. It's the only way to make a good wedding." -- Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt recently got engaged to soccer player and longtime sweetheart Kealia Ohai. When asked about the alcohol situation at their wedding, Watt gave the only two words that could constitute a correct answer: open bar. (Jake Asman, SBNation via Twitter)
YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?
"Excuse my French ... but he's a f*****g dude. He's a f*****g dude with a f*****g arm. And he's accurate as s**t. So, excuse that ... It's awesome to be around a guy like that" -- New York Jets wide receiver coach Shawn Jefferson gave the highest of profanity-laden praise to quarterback Sam Darnold. (Manish Mehta, Daily News via Twitter)
BURN SOME COLE, GET SOME SMOKE
"I feel I can do damage in a system like this. A receiver in this offense is way more important than it was in my last offense. There's a lot more variety in what I'm doing here." -- Buffalo Bills wide receiver Cole Beasley sings high praise for his new opportunity, while simultaneously throwing some not-so-subliminal jabs at his former team, the Dallas Cowboys. (NFL on ESPN via Twitter)
TICKETS TO THE DALLAS AIR SHOW, NOW ON SALE
"You gotta put a two in front of that … that's the goal." -- Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Amari Cooper was asked about potentially exceeding 1,000 yards receiving this season. Exceeding? How about doubling it. (B/R Gridiron via ProFootballTalk)
FOOTBALL CAN'T COME BACK SOON ENOUGH
"Since y'all forkers are so smart, tell me what I can't eat with a spoon? (Yes you can easily eat steak/chicken with a spoon if you had to)" -- San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Trent Taylor is clearly bored without football (like we all are), so he's posing hypotheticals like this to Twitter in the meantime. Sixty-nine days left, folks. We can do this. (Trent Taylor via Twitter)
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT
"He wants to be traded. I want to win the lottery. It doesn't matter. He's under contract. He's a Cleveland Brown. He's going to be used to the best of his ability in what benefits the team." -- Cleveland Browns head coach Freddie Kitchens speaks bluntly when talking about Browns running back Duke Johnson's trade request. (Aditi Kinkhabwala via Twitter)
THEIR ONE CHANCE TO TAKE REVENGE
"We went paintballing. It was amazing. So we do fun activities. We've done a couple of field trips … It was pretty fun walking by and seeing Bill [Belichick] crawl. I swear to God -- I think he got hit four times and didn't get up and people were just hitting him. It was hilarious." -- New England Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman talks about the team's offseason bonding activity -- a paintball trip. Everyone "bonded" by shooting paintballs at a crawling 67-year-old Bill Belichick. (Pardon My Take via Twitter)
MADDEN, EAT YOUR HEART OUT
"I got into Smite just browsing the Xbox Store one day, and ran across Smite, downloaded it, and when you're done studying plays and going over playbook stuff, you just hop on and that's your downtime." -- Free agent wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin has been in Madden games like every other NFL player, but how many other NFL players have been in actual, non-football videogames? Benjamin will be included in the free-to-play MOBA game Smite as an alternate skin for the character Vamana. (SMITE via Twitter)
PRIME TIME AVOIDS RUSH HOUR
"Fun Fact: I had a basketball game in 7th grade. It was 5:30 & the game started at 6. My dad was at his house an hour away but he wanted to be there. RIGHT BEFORE THE GAME STARTS, my dad lands a helicopter on the football field so he could be at my game in time. People went crazy." -- NFL Hall of Famer Deion Sanders is arguably as good at being a father as he was at playing cornerback. His son, Deion Sanders Jr., recalls the story of his father chartering a helicopter so he got to Deion Jr.'s 7th-grade basketball game on-time. (Deion Sanders Jr. via Twitter)
HAVE A DRINK ON ME
NFL QB Beer Chug Speeds:
5. Rodgers pic.twitter.com/y7BfZwYslG
— The Lefkoe Show (@LefkoeShow) June 2, 2019
-- This has been the summer full of NFL quarterbacks chugging beer, so Bleacher Report's The Lefkoe Show took the liberty of ranking each QB by the ultimate metric: fastest beer chug.
— TooAthletic Takes (@TooAthletic) June 7, 2019
-- However, there was one major omission from these quarterback power rankings: Tom Brady. Brady submitted his tape at the Patriots' Super Bowl ring ceremony, where he handily beat offensive lineman David Andrews.
CAN'T PUT A PRICETAG ON LEGROOM
— Eli Edwards (@ElisaraEdwards) June 22, 2019
-- Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton might be better off leaving negotiations to his agent, as a passenger on his flight rejected Cam's $1,500 offer to switch seats on a 10-hour flight.
DON'T MEET YOUR HEROES -- THEY MIGHT STEAL YOUR BABY
"I was taking off with the baby"
Favre forgot for a quick second
— B/R Gridiron (@brgridiron) June 23, 2019
-- A star-struck Packers fan received an autograph and got a photo with Green Bay Packers legend Brett Favre at the PGA's AmFam Championship. The fan was so excited that she barely noticed Favre walking away with her infant daughter.
DECLARING A NEW KING OF BOURBON STREET
— New Orleans Pelicans (@PelicansNBA) June 25, 2019
-- New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees left New Orleans Pelicans forward and No. 1 overall NBA draft pick Zion Williamson a little welcoming gift upon his arrival to NOLA.