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02 Dec 2005
Mailing in NFL's Week 13
Excellent Simmons this week, lots of good jokes, good observations, and very little Boston-centeric bias that will piss off those of you who root for the other 31 teams. He's dead on about those stupid "fantasy stats" scrolls that tell you which lame receiver has one catch for six yards. Whoopee. Bill's Bears bandwagon takes other step this week, as he suggests that they could even make it to the Super Bowl. It sounds ridiculous, but I was actually thinking about something this morning. In Super Bowl V, Johnny Unitas got injured and Earl Morrall came off the bench, leading a Colts team with a great defense to the championship. In Super Bowl VII, Don Shula benched Morrall and brought back Bob Griese, and he led a Dolphins team with a great defense to the championship. You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
19 comments, Last at 04 Dec 2005, 4:32am by TomC
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Comments
My theory on the Bears path to the superbowl:
1) Bears secure #2 seed and first round bye.
2) Bears crush divisional opponent at home in windy, cold soldier field.
3) Bears travel to Seattle. Bears defense keeps Alexander in check, forcing Hasslebeck to carry the team. Hasslebeck, up by a touchdown early in the 3rd quarter, with crowd on it's feet, throws a pick. Suddenly the air is taken out of the stadium as gunshy 'Hawks fans start having flashbacks of previous Seattle collapses. Chicago gets a fieldgoal (down by 4). Hassleback gets hit in the backfield and coughs up the ball, easy touchdown for Chicago. Now the home-crowd is openly booing a rattled hasslebeck, who struggles to lead his team to victory, but a late pick in the end-zone seals a Chicago victory.
4) Chicago then travels to Detroit and gets creamed by the Colts (So much for the Cinderella story, but it was nice while it lasted.)
As a Bears fan, I like B's scenario, except for #4. Maybe the Jags or Chargers will upset the Colts in the AFC championship the way the Pats did to the Dolphins, clearing the way for the '85 Bears.
Yeah, I've often wondered what would've happened to the '85 Bears if the Dolphins had gone to the Super Bowl. Marino's quick-release style was exactly the type of thing that tended to do damage to Buddy Ryan's defenses. I still think the Bears were going to win the Super Bowl no matter what that year, but the Dolphins would have at least made a game of it.
He wasted his Boston-centric reference on hockey. I remember seeing "Thornton traded to Sharks" on the ticker on ESPNews the other day and thinking, "who is 'Thornton'?"
I like the McGraw bit. I like it, I love it.
did anybody else read simmons' parody of the SNF crew eulogizing pat morita and then think, "boy, adam's sketches are usually funnier than that"? because i sure did, and now i'm in kind of a weird place.
How about his Boston reference about the Real World? I don't even watch the show, and I've only lived in NE for 4 years, but I laughed and laughed at that one. Then I read it again and laughed and laughed again.
Joon, I think I agree with you. Clearly the SNF guys can only talk football. It must drive their wives crazy.
whoa. i was re-reading these lines and noticed this:
Bucs (+3.5) over SAINTS
for real? the saints are favored?? this must be a typo.
Simmons never explains why he hates the Redskins. Just seems like he picks against them and has nothing to say... not even about that crazy Clinton Portis...
He’s dead on about those stupid “fantasy stats� scrolls that tell you which lame receiver has one catch for six yards.
We get a lot more info in the scrolls now than we used to. It used to be the 10 minute ticker, and they would pop up a little scroll with scores and one stat line per game. I always loved it when they would say "Elam, 32-yard FG" when the score of the game is Denver 31, San Diego 24.
#8:
Umm, actually - he picked the Skins this week. Guess you missed that.
Oh - and Clinton Portis isn't funny. (Of course, if you meant "crazy" as in "clinically insane", then okay - I might be there with ya..)
Re:#5
My first thought was: Geez, Simmons can't even do his own material now? He is a hack!
RE: #4
Well, he IS the Sports Guy, and Thornton for Sturm, Stuart, and Primeau might be one of the biggest trades in Bruins history.
The best quote was: "Harrington gunned down Millen in the locker room" to open McGraw's second stanza. That one just about choked me.
Re #7,
Yeah that's crazy. Even crazier is that the 49ers are favourites this week. Yes, they are playing at home and the Cardinals do suck (although the recent Kurt Warner redemption is intriguing) but the Niners shouldn't even be favoured over a high school team if the Alex Smith Experience is involved.
thanks a lot #13, now the song will be in my head for two hours
RE: #11
Actually, simmons was making fun of the SNF crew long before Adam or anybody else.
Re: #6, Boston character in "Real World". Yeah, I was dyin' reading that. Best. Simmons. Paragraph. Ever.
Re: #7. Typo. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/dailylines
Speaking as someone who lost $1600 making the same mistake: Bill, it's the Lincoln-Douglas (one 's') debate. The two-'s' Douglass wasn't a senator and had much cooler hair.