Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

18 Nov 2005

The Many Faces of Clinton Portis

Make my funk the P(ortis)-Funk, I want to get funked up. I want the bomb, I want the P(ortis)-Funk, I want to get funked up.

Posted by: Aaron Schatz on 18 Nov 2005

19 comments, Last at 19 Nov 2005, 9:10am by Harris


by dryheat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 2:08pm

I can't read about Clinton Portis anymore unless the stripper pole he has in his house is mentioned.

by panoptican (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 2:39pm

Clinton Portis is my new favorite player.

by ABW (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 2:42pm

OK, this is hilarious. Chad Johnson, you officially have some competition for "funniest man in the NFL".

by MCS (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 2:50pm

Does anyone know what the "rather intersting necklace" was?

by Lev (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 3:00pm

Re: Necklace

Looks like a necklace with a big yellow pouch hanging off of it, according to the slideshow. Hard to tell for sure.

by ajn (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 3:02pm

at least clinton has a career as a first grade teacher when his playing days are over. i think i'm going to borrow the dr. don't know moniker to use with my fifth graders...

by Joon (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 3:23pm

yay! not only is this thread mercifully free of gruesome injury talk, but it features the ridiculous thursday stylings of clinton portis.

i think my favorite part of the "sheriff gonna getcha" persona was the fact that portis admitted afterwards that he doesn't really know who led zeppelin is. he could identify that they were a band but not name any of their work.

by panoptican (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 4:29pm

Personally, my favorite part of it all is the continuity of charcters. They all know each other. And sometimes, Clinton is able to take over the persona. I'd like to see him incorporate this into his larger game. Different color socks are cool but his jersey should reflect the fact that it isn't Clinton Portis on the field... it's Dr. I Don't Know. Well, maybe. He needs to clarify this I think.

by Bassett (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 4:42pm


If I ever knew Led Zeppelin T's were part of the dress code of being a sheriff, I would have been a sheriff a long time ago.. sheriffs rule and sheriffs in Led Zeppelin T's rules even harder...

by pawnking (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 4:45pm

Portis is the new Dennis Rodman. Bully for him, I say.

by Bassett (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 4:59pm

PS - Looks like Dollah Bill shot the sheriff...

by Diamond Joe (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 5:07pm

I can't believe it.
This is what it takes... now I am a true Clinton Portis fan as well. Nothin like lightenin' it up a bit. After all, he's a football player -nothing to be taken too seriousely (...see T.O.) These guys aren't diplomats or officials...
I can't wait to see Clinton Portis host Sat. Night Live !! More power to him!

& between you and me, I dont care what kind of socks, or even if he wears socks while he plays ball.

by Bassett (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 5:52pm

the best thing about Dollah Bill is that in his 'prepared statement' he references Sapp as a "Hungry Man" ... just like the commercial the two have recently done for the TV Dinners of the same name...

by Chris (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 6:23pm

I think its funny that theres an NFL player that's effectively Roleplaying and almost to the point of LARPing all of his character roles in public interviews with the media.

by Spoilt Victorian Child (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 8:05pm

I never thought I would like a Redskin this much.

by vincent (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 8:43pm

The necklace was a set of leather balls. As in gonads.

by Raul Allegre's Revenge (not verified) :: Fri, 11/18/2005 - 10:48pm

Easily the best thing about that article is the sentence: "Both were fined last year for sock violations."

Only in the NFL, folks.

by Adam H. (not verified) :: Sat, 11/19/2005 - 5:15am

No, this guy isn't creepy at all.

by Harris (not verified) :: Sat, 11/19/2005 - 9:10am

Am I the only one who thinks Shockey looks like an effiminate Toby Keith in those commercials?