Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

25 Jan 2006

Bald-Headed Hasselbeck Enjoying Super Ride

OK, this gets my nomination for headline of the Super Bowl. Not really much to the article, but any time you can describe one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL as "Bald-Headed Hasselbeck," it's worth noting. Tomorrow's edition promises this headline: "Fat-Bodied Bettis Actually From Detroit."

Posted by: P. Ryan Wilson on 25 Jan 2006

15 comments, Last at 26 Jan 2006, 8:41pm by Jon


by B (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 5:46pm

Between this and Rothlesberger's beard, this is becoming the follicle bowl. I wonder if Gillette has a new ad planned.

by Goober King (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 5:48pm

Shouldn't that be "Fat-Bottom Bettis"? In Steeler country, he makes the world go 'round. :D

by Harry (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 5:55pm

It's funny how in his home state of Massachusetts Hasselbeck doesn't get any love. I guess everyone's now too happy with Brady to care about a BC grad made good. If Flutie had ever gone to a SB with the Bills the Globe would still be talking about it.

by DJAnyReason (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 5:59pm

You know, another bald headed QB played in a bunch of Superbowls that the Steelers won...

by pawnking (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 6:05pm

In golf, December is known as "Silly Season" due to the fact that all the big tournaments are over, and to make more money the pros compete in unusual tournaments and unusual places. I think instead of calling the week before SB week "Dead Week" we should call is "Silly Week" because of such headlines. We all know no serious football discussions will be taking place (even the Senior Bowl, involving speculating who will be taken #23 in April, is silly). Let's just embrace what it is.

by White Rose Duelist (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 6:09pm

Actually, in TMQ's amimadversion his week, he mentions that Gillette does, in fact, have a commercial lined up for the Super Bowl. The razor has five blades and a microchip, but no word on whether it mows the lawn or improved your love life. Or if they show Hasselbeck shaving his head with it.

by Dan Babbitt (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 6:35pm

Yes he can throw, but does he have that look?

Classic moneyball-esque material:

"He doesn't look like an NFL quarterback, they say. Troy Aikman had the jaw and the blond hair. Dan Marino's brown mane helped him sell leather gloves on television. Joe Namath's wave suggested macho frolick and opened doors to Manhattan's playboy scene.

But Matt Hasselbeck? The Seahawks quarterback who torched the Carolina Panthers in the NFC championship game?

He's bald."

by Theo (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 6:55pm

Like the bald guy Elaine dated. One of the funniest questions in Seinfeld: "Is he from the future?"

Anyway, the guy is bald. On a photo Elaine finds out his hair is full and curly, so he does what she wants and lets his hair grow...(the pussy) only to find out "I'm going bald!!"

by D (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 7:56pm

If football was all about the quarterback's facial hair, then Jake "neckbeard" Plummer should have won last sunday.

by Rob (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 8:13pm

Just for the record, Jake Plummer has a regular ol' beard, not a "neckbeard". It seems everyone's decided that Neck Beard is the new hilarious thing (taking the torch from Mullet), leading to frequent misidentifications.

by Kal (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 9:16pm

Because Bradshaw had such a wonderfully flowing full head of hair...oh, wait.

by Jeremy B. (not verified) :: Wed, 01/25/2006 - 9:49pm

I'll just quote the wisdom of Abraham Simpson: "Now Johnny Unitas--there's a haircut you can set your watch to!"

by princeton73 (not verified) :: Thu, 01/26/2006 - 12:22pm

Yelverton Abraham never won a postseason game (0-4)

Because Bradshaw had such a wonderfully flowing full head of hair…oh, wait.

how bald WAS Bradshaw during the SB years? my recollection is that he was definitely thinning, but had some left

by Mshray (not verified) :: Thu, 01/26/2006 - 4:11pm

"Hasselbeck helped free Jackson with one of the most sublime pump fakes in years."

I have to agree on this tidbit tho', which seems to have mostly been unnoticed. When ol' Baldy pump faked on this play the CB fell to his knees and Minter the safety suddenly sprinted away from Jackson as fast as he could.

He also used the pump fake to good effect when he scambled for that 3rd down conversion to his right.

Re SB-era Bradshaw: If Matt didn't shave everything & attempted a comb-over I'd say they might be just about equal.

by Jon (not verified) :: Thu, 01/26/2006 - 8:41pm

He mighgt not have been anyone's idea of a Super Bowl-winning quarterback, but Trent Dilfer was clearly balding by the time of Super Bowl XXXV.