Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

27 Jan 2006

Meet "Seven"

Thank God his parents didn't name him "Eight." (hat tip: Deadspin)

Posted by: P. Ryan Wilson on 27 Jan 2006

47 comments, Last at 29 Jan 2006, 8:45pm by Sophandros


by Drew (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:26pm

George Costanza would be proud, or possibly angry. Probably both.

by B (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:29pm

Angry, definately angry.

by Kal (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:33pm

And he's got my birthday too. Crap.

by James, London (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:40pm

Who names their son after a female Borg?

by Manteo (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:41pm

Is this some sort of after-effect from Three Mile Island?

by JonL (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:42pm

At least "Soda" is still available.

by White Rose Duelist (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:44pm

Wasn't that the name of the new kid on Married With Children?

by David (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:45pm

That kid's going to turn into a Browns fan as soon as he hits adolescence. Mark my words.

by Mike L (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:54pm

Why isn't calling him Ben good enough? For the sake of the boy, lets hope Big Ben's deal with the devil doesn't end as quickly as Kurt Warner's did.

by Pat (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 1:57pm

Is this some sort of after-effect from Three Mile Island?

Too far west. Indiana, PA is about 50 miles east of Pittsburgh. Small University town.

Hometown of Jimmy Stewart (which you're reminded of about seven thousand times when you're in the city).

by JMM (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 2:12pm

84, 57, 33 and now 7 hmmmm

I see no tie in besides the geography.

by Sophandros (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 2:20pm

Wasn't there a chick on that show "Blossom" named "Six"? Maybe when this kid hits puberty, they could breed and produce The Answer.

by Bill (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 2:31pm

Number ten would have been bad too.

by Ron Mexico (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 2:36pm

"His grandmother, Barbara Barber"


by Manteo (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 2:41pm

12 - brilliant. Who needs hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings when you have Western Pennsylvanians?

This is definitely the football/nerd site I have long been searching for. I feel like Jerome Bettis . . . coming home . . .

by DJAnyReason (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 3:35pm

Re: 12

That's funny :)

Of course, we all know that the question is "What's six times nine", so maybe Seven isn't part of the equation.

by Clod (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 3:48pm

I thought Allen Iverson was "The Answer"?

by Aaron Boden (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 3:55pm

There was just a news story up here in Calgary about strange baby names. I think Seven would play well with Furious and Notorious, while Princess-Trixie looks on

by Slippery Pete (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:12pm

Shouldn't the kid be wearing a Mickey Mantle jersey?

by Richard (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:13pm

That's just a cool name.

by Devin McCullen (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:16pm

Charles Schulz got there first.

by Drew (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:24pm

I think Seven would play well with Furious and Notorious, while Princess-Trixie looks on

That sounds like a porno plot line to me.

by pawnking (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:28pm

I remember it well:
Charlie Brown "I see. It his way of fighting back, huh?"
The kid named 'Five' "No, it's his way of giving in."

by princeton73 (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:28pm

they were actually inspired by another Western Pennsylvania institution: After driving by an 84 Lumber sign, they "decided to go with something numerical,"

oh...well THAT explains it

by Björn (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:32pm

Mike, #9

They didn't name him after Roethlisberger, they just realized the connection afterwards.

by Björn (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:34pm

I think this kids grandma should buy him the Friends DVD, so he can hear Monica scream his name passionately, over and over again.

*Note* I don't watch Friends, I swear.

by Adam (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:36pm

I went to IUP and it was without a doubt the best 4 years of my life.

Best. College town. Ever.

by B (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 4:49pm

26: At least you're not admitting you watched Blossom.

by Pat (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:04pm

Indiana's a nice town. It'd be nice if it had anything other than the university, and wasn't isolated from humanity, but other than that, it's nice. :)

Kindof surprising the area it's located in, but universities do that for you.

by underthebus (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:06pm

"Yep, I can see it now: Seven periods of school per day, seven beatings a day, seven stitches per beating, followed by seven years to life."

by MAW (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:17pm

My Filipino roommates had a baby last October and named him Zeven. I nearly choked when they told me the name.

Cute kid, btw.

by rk (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:20pm

How about Mug? Mug Costanza.

by Harris (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:23pm

I would watch Six (aka Jenna Van Oy) lick stamps if she was wearing hotpants. That girl has ass for days.

by C (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 5:24pm

I think Tom Brady's feeling disrespected right now. There better be a movement afoot for 1,000 pepole to name their newborn sons "Twelve" or the Pats will make an undefeated run to SuperBowl XLI.

Also, I wonder how festivus will be in the Seven household?

by NF (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 6:05pm


Once I figured out what you were talking about, that made my day.

"What we demand is a complete absence of solid facts!"

"I demand that I may or may not be called Brumfondel!"

by kleph (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 8:36pm

it's all good as long as they don't name their next kid "nine"

by J-Diddy (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 10:31pm

Slow news week? :)

by Kuato (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 10:36pm

Wasn`t there a Seinfeld episode about George wanting to name his kid Seven?

by Kuato (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 10:53pm

Just noticed the first comment, beat me to the punch.

by Theo (not verified) :: Fri, 01/27/2006 - 11:52pm

Seinfeld, kids and bald guys are great. ghe ghe

by RIck S (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 3:50am

I named my dog seven, after John Elway, but mostly as respect to George Castanza, the best sit-com character ever.

by Björn (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 12:01pm

28: Thanks for making me feel better!

On a slightly different note, I was listening to an ad for a local ski hill on the radio yesterday that was rather disturbing in its relevance.

Announcer- What's the best number in the world?
Man- Twelve?
Announcer- No, it's seven!

I'm serious. That is what the ad was. Weird stuff.

by JC (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 12:27pm

RE: #7
Seven was the annoying little kid on Married with Children long before George Costanza got bent because someone stole the name.

What is gonna happen in 13 years when the kid hits high school, Ben's long gone, and a Bubby Bristerisk QB is at the helm and since he's such a Roethlisberger fan he wears 7. Poor kid, he's doomed.

by DGL (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 7:15pm

I'm hoping that in 13 years, Ben (who will only be 36 at the time) is still good enough to QB the Steelers.

Or, at least, he's not so "long gone" that his number's been reassigned.

by Browns Dude (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 7:38pm

They should have named him Corky.

Oh well, life goes on.

by JC (not verified) :: Sat, 01/28/2006 - 9:23pm

Me too DGL, I certainly hope he stays because he certainly seems to have "it". I have a feeling that the Rooneys will have to dig deep to keep him though.

by Sophandros (not verified) :: Sun, 01/29/2006 - 8:45pm

45: Groan.

28: Jenna von Oy is freaking hot.