Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

02 Feb 2006

Police Report on Panthers Cheerleaders

The Smoking Gun has finally gotten its hands on the police report that details the infamous incident of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders in the bathroom stall. Hat tip: Deadspin.com.

Posted by: Michael David Smith on 02 Feb 2006

14 comments, Last at 02 Feb 2006, 8:49pm by Björn


by Trogdor (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 9:42am

Shouldn't the witness reports begin, "Dear Penthouse"?

I had forgotten about the ID switch. It says they decided to pursue charges on that in part because of "abundant negative notoriety that the real Kristen Owen has gone through." Which kind of begs the question, did Owen voluntarily give the other girl her ID so she could get in the club and drink? If so, then isn't she responsible for this "abundant negative notoriety" being put on her? Don't get me wrong, they should definitely pursue it when a suspect provides a phony name/ID. But unless the ID was stolen, I don't think the harm done to the 'innocent victim' is the best, or even a very good, reason. You give your ID to someone to use, and it comes down on you, too freaking bad.

by Catholic Samurai (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 9:54am

I am shocked that someone like Vivid Video hasn't talked to these women yet about a "reenactment", if you catch my drift......

by jake (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 10:39am

sounds to me like this actually was a reenactment of a vivid video...unbelievable

by Noble (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 10:47am

Thank you. That is the single funniest thing I've seen all week.

by Michael David Smith :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 11:46am

I'm with you, Trogdor. It sounds to me like a case of a 22-year-old giving her 20-year-old fellow cheerleader her ID expressly so the 20-year-old could use it to break the law. Now, there are certainly more serious offenses than helping a 20-year-old get alcohol (I think it should be legal for 20-year-olds to get alcohol), but she's not exactly an innocent victim here. When I was in college I was privy to more than one occasion in which friends ended up very upset with each other because one misused the other's ID. It's just not a good idea.

by lagfish (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 12:05pm

Wow, that is just great. Thanks for making my day.

by Dman (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 12:55pm

This is the sort of thing where if these chicks where just in some sorority we'd never hear about it. I really despise media coverage of events that would get no ink whatsoever if it wasn't some cheerleader/hotchick/whatever. These stories are stupid, no news value at all.

by DJAnyReason (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 12:58pm

Re: 7

Yes, there's nothing I hate more than stories about hot lesbian cheerleader sex. Damn that media straight to hell!

by David (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 1:19pm

Heh. "Privy."

by Michael David Smith :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 1:20pm

You're right, dman, and if Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens were just two fraternity brothers sniping at each other, we'd never hear about that, either. But since this is a football site and the people in question are affiliated with a football team, it's reasonable that we'll discuss it here.

by Dman (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 1:32pm

I want nothing at all to do with dirty, lesbian, cheerleader, oral sex.

(Yes honey, I cleaned the toilet and fluffed the couch pillows)

by Björn (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 4:35pm

This police report is very inconsistent. In the report, there are no less than three distinct descriptions of the incident. First, Holden says that she was punched once in the face, and once in the chest. Then Miner says that the victim was punched in the face but says nothing about a second punch. this version is echoed by another witness, Abigail Schatz (family relation?). Okay, so this isn't such a big deal so far. But here comes the Cop's statement:

"Acording to the listed victim and witnesses the listed defendant and co-defendant were involved in some type of sexual activity in the bathroom stall of Bananna Joes Night Club. As the defendant was exiting the bathroom stall defendant Owen struck victim Holden in the face twice with a closed fist causing injury above the left eye."

I read the whole thing twice and I didn't see any mention of the victim getting hit twice in the face. Two witnesses said she got hit once in the face, and the victim said she was hit once in the face and once in the chest.

Also, if the cops had actually tried to verify that the ID was accurate, the real Kristen Owen wouldn't have anything to bitch about. Don't get me wrong, I think that Owen gave Thomas her ID knowing full well that alcohol was about to be consumed. That said, she would just need to go to court and say "No I didn't" and have a friend say "No she didn't" and she'd have a case against the cops. This is the kind of thing that the officers on COPS usually think to do.

by Starshatterer (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 6:21pm

Björn (#12 )--

The police report includes multiple eyewitness accounts, which only minimally agree with each other. This should really be no surprise.

How many times have people on the FO messageboard said to each other, "Were we watching the same game?" And this includes people who recorded the game and can go back to check.

by Björn (not verified) :: Thu, 02/02/2006 - 8:49pm

The multiple eyewitness reports is no big deal. Of course there is going to be discrepancies. The victim said one thing, and the only two eyewitnesses written up in the report said another. That's understandable. The problem is that the police officer proceeded to conclude something that none of the eyewitnesses supported, and then say that his conclusion was "according to eyewitnesses."