Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

18 Jan 2007

Ron Mexico and the Mysterious Case of The Dark Particulate

Everyone's favorite polarizing QB was at it again on Wednesday. Mikey-Mike was at a security-screening checkpoint at Miami International Airport and wouldn't throw away a water bottle. He eventually did, a TSA official retrieved it, and found a not-too-hidden compartment in the bottle which allegedly contained a "dark particulate" that smelled like marijuana, according to the police report. Here's a diagram.

Posted by: Benjy Rose on 18 Jan 2007

64 comments, Last at 20 Jan 2007, 6:01am by andrew


by Rob Schneider (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:32pm

Oh, you like that? Yeah, that's out new water bottle. We just got a new shipment in today. And you see this part, right here? That's where you put your WEED!!

by Kachunk (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:39pm

At least it wasn't a prosthetic penis?

by strannix (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:40pm


Do not take the following to airports:

1) Guns.
2) Drugs.

That will be all.

by Fargo (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:40pm

I assume that when they say he was reluctant to throw it away, they mean that he scrambled around for 10 seconds and then overthrew the bin by 15 yards.

by Basilicus (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:41pm

Aquafina should be ashamed for pushing their wares on poor little Ron Mexico. When will the big water companies stop taking advantage of the defenseless NFL quarterbacks of the world?

by CaffeineMan (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:44pm

I assume that when they say he was reluctant to throw it away, they mean that he scrambled around for 10 seconds and then overthrew the bin by 15 yards.

Harsh, but funny.

by Jimmty6 (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 6:47pm

AirTran? WTF?

by joel in providence (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:00pm

jim mora sr. planted that shit.

by Truman (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:01pm


by throughthelookingglass (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:05pm

There has to be a whizzinator joke somewhere in here.

by Nathan (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:06pm

FARGO ftw.

by Mike W (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:10pm

Ohhhhh, Mexico
He's really Michael Vick but he's in-cog-ni-to.
And oh-oh-oh-oh Mexico
I guess he likes to smoke

by Will Allen (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:13pm

With the caveat that I don't think marajuana use should be a criminal matter, lemme ask a couple questions.....

How must it feel to know that you made this dumb bastard one of the highest paid guys in the league, and that he was using up a ton of cap space? How wonderful does a new coach feel today, knowing that this imbecile is who is going to be critical regarding the installation of offense? Sheesh.

by mb (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:15pm

Re 4: Actually I heard that after evading the TSA pass rush and buying time he unloaded a perfect strike to Ashlie Lelie on the other side of the security checkpoint but it bounced off Lelie's hands of stone and was then recovered by the official.

by mb (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:19pm

Sorry to double post, but...

Will Allen, you are correct. I bet Bobby Petrino is wondering why the f*** he didn't stick around to ride Brian Brohm to glory for another year at UL. It's not like he couldn't have wrangled another crappy NFL job in 2008.

by Trieu (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:42pm

I generally try to avoid "news" about the extracurricular activities of athletes (and all celebrities, actually), so I didn't understand Benjy Rose's Extra Point headline. I looked up "Ron Mexico" on Wikipedia and found that it forwards directly to the page about Michael Vick. After reading the page, two things happened: First, I understood the reference. Then, I laughed out loud.

Thanks, FO.

by kleph (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 7:59pm

i would just like to say that this is, without a doubt, the greatest headline in the history of Football Outsiders. bravo, sirs!

by hwc (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:00pm

I assume that when they say he was reluctant to throw it away, they mean that he scrambled around for 10 seconds and then overthrew the bin by 15 yards.

He shoulda just pulled it down and run.

by Craven (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:05pm

Be here next week when a member of the Cincinnati Bengals attempts to smuggle psilocybin through airport security by hiding the 'shrooms in a fake hand grenade.

by Gus (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:05pm

Am I the only one who sees the obvious positive here? If Vick is a stoner, then the offense will improve next season as long as Michael Jenkins and Roddy White come out on the field disguised as giant hershey bars.

by MFurtek (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:20pm

I say, screw it and cut him. He'll not get as much from someone else, he deserves a pay cut... cap hit be darned.

Didn't the NFL institute rules that said the hit can be spread out over 2 seasons now?

by Marko (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:28pm

Well done, Fargo. You too, Mike W.

by Kachunk (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 8:30pm

Re 21:If so you ought to be thanking whoever instituted that, because holy crap do the Redskins need it. And yeah. They ought to cut him. Just because I hate him.

Re 10: too late. See #2.

by Ryan (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 9:14pm

Does anyone know what the cap hit would be next year for the Falcons if they just cut Vick now?

by the K (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 9:28pm

Fargo #4: F'in BRILLIANT.

by Rich Conley (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 9:51pm


Feel like doing the math? His contract stuff is in my link

by Truman (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 9:52pm

$22 million

by Truman (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 9:55pm

re #26, I think the numbers have changed since that was published. He restructured last offseason.

by Dave (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 10:20pm

20: gus, do stoners like throwing footballs accurately to fast-moving chocolate bars?

what vick needs to do is get white and jenkins the hookup before game time and get them thinking the rock is made of chocolate. they'd catch everything thrown within five yards of them.

by tim (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 10:22pm

This article has nothing to do with what FO is about.

by Gus (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 10:27pm

29: That'd work too, my thought was that Vick--what with his laser arm--would want to knock down the fast moving chocolate bars so he could eat them. Maybe I got too complicated, but I think it could lead to some interesting TD celebrations.

by Duff Soviet Union (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 10:40pm

tim, making fun of Michael Vick is exactly what FO is about.

by Gus (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 10:49pm

(sing song voice) Michael Vick's a pot head, Michael Vick's a pot head, Michael Vick's a pot head...

by chaotic neutral (not verified) :: Thu, 01/18/2007 - 11:45pm

Come to think of it, as soon as he noticed security was confiscating water bottles, Vick should have quietly gotten out of the screening line, ditched the stash bottle somewhere out of the way, then got back in line and caught his flight.

The guy has all the money in the world, he could have scored more hash once he got to Atlanta. But no.

More evidence that, in addition to being an inaccurate passer, Vick also makes poor decisions, and can't improvise.

by Basilicus (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 12:00am


The extra points section of links is meant to hit on various articles of interest, some having more to do with FO's views on football and many that don't. Hence why Tuesday Morning QB (well, that and TMQ's long-ago assistance in popularizing the site), Peter King, and the exploits of ridiculously stupid players appear fairly often as Extra Points.

Plus, #32 is right. Like any good outsider, a Football Outsider has to regularly harp on the badness and stupid decisions of those who are popular despite not having earned it. It makes us all warm inside when we're right. Like now.

As for the Falcons' cap, is there any provision in Vick's contract that might, say, void a bit of money if Vick is found culpable in this instance?

by jonnyblazin (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 12:11am

Its a pretty impressive water bottle no doubt, but wouldn't it make a lot more sense if it was a coke or pepsi bottle instead? That way with non-seethrough liquid it would be much harder to tell if any secret compartment was storing anything.

by Bobman (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 12:52am

Way to go, Craven, bash two easy targets with one swipe. The false grenade is pure genius--I'm rolling on the floor. Maybe a fake suitcase bomb crammed with keys of coke, because you know, it looks like luggage.

by throughthelookingglass (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 1:34am

19, 37
I think that a 'Chad Johnson TD celebration' idea could be created here...

by Yaguar (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 2:32am

#4 won the thread. Nobody can beat him.

by Peter Libero (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 3:11am

38: What, like miming hitting a bong and then eating the football? Hmm... maybe. I would probably get it instantly, though I don't know how many other people would.

Chad Mortensen is telling me right now that the administration thinks "enough will be enough" soon. This is all nonsense, he's on the hook for too much money and sells too many tickets for this to be a big problem.

by Richard (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 3:59am

34: That may be the greatest comment ever.

by JMK (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 4:51am

Nows let's look at this...If Vick is flying out of Miami, he could have possibly been flying into the Caribean or South America. IS IT THAT HARD TO GET WEED IN THE BAHAMAS OR BRASIL?

by lobolafcadio (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 6:51am

Didn't Randy moss had a problem with a pot last year ?

Vick to Oakland !!!!

by the K (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 7:24am

#39: I'm forced to agree, but # 34 turned in a damn fine effort too.

by Truman (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 8:55am

#34 is off the mark. As soon as he saw security was screening for water bottles? How many times do you think this guy has flown in the last year? He must have seen it happen only about a hundred times.

by bengt (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 9:05am

Had he been able to get his weed on the plane, would it have been called 'airpot'?

by White Rose Duelist (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 11:03am

#30/32 Like Gary Coleman* says:

"Schadenfreude, makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place, makin' the world a better place... to be!"

* See/listen to "Avenue Q" if you don't know what I'm talking about. Well worth it.

by Gus (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 12:41pm

Schadenfreude, making me feel glad that I'm not you.

Avenue Q and Sweeney Todd are the only positives out of my oldest sister's musical theater obsession. I'll come downstairs--when I'm not at my institute of higher learning--and there'll be one musical on the DVD player, one on the CD player, one on the computer, and my sister will be belting another. She is very real danger of me throwing her off a cliff soon.

Yes, this has nothing to do with Michael Vick. So...er...what's the cap hit if Atlanta cuts or trades Vick?

by johonny (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 2:11pm

So Vick was trying to blow up a plane with liquid gel Pot. That bastard!

by Reinhard (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 2:39pm

I fly with weed on the airplane all the time. Lots of people smoke weed. Lots of ahtletes smoke weed. Vick got caught... but the important thing in the article is that he didn't want to give up the waterbottle... I mean this guy gets paid like Brady and Peyton, but he risks getting caught over, what, a gram of hash? And do you think that the fact that he was recognized as Michael Vick had anything to do with it?
Also, personally, I don't really think that this has ANYTHING to do with playing quarterback. I don't think that his new coach could really care less at all.

by Richie (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 2:48pm

#34 is off the mark. As soon as he saw security was screening for water bottles? How many times do you think this guy has flown in the last year? He must have seen it happen only about a hundred times.

I think on team flights, he got Mora to stash his junk along with his ammonia capsules.

by Mike W (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 5:06pm

"Aquafina" is Spanish for "bongwater."

by Independent George (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 6:54pm

I dunno... I thought the Nate Newton incident was funnier.

by emcee fleshy (atl/sd) (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 8:05pm

Wow. Glad it's not my day to defend Mike.

Indeed, a quick look at the calendar suggests that there are no more such days.

I tried, man. I really did.


And one more thing - who the hell smuggles dirty bong water?

by Omar (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 8:14pm

What a dolt. Like he couldn't hook up with a bag of the grab when he arrived wherever he was going. Or as if he's never heard of checked baggage before. Or securely jocking it. This is really obvious stuff, you know? It boggles the mind. Dollars to donuts that this move was born during a huge smoke-out while driving to the airport, no question. You have to be pretty baked to think you'd waltz through the airport with your stinky-ass dope right in your hand.

by Duff Soviet Union (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 8:21pm

I am of the opinion that athletes smoking weed is no big deal and that it should be legalised. But I'm sorry, Vick is just retarded. It's not as bad as the time Damon Stoudamire tried to smuggle weed through a metal detector by wrapping it in tinfoil, but still.

by Will Allen (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 9:10pm

Reinhard, I think marajuana and the like should be legal, but I guarantee you that Petrino cares about this, for two reasons. First, this may get Vick enrolled in the league's drug program, leaving him one incident short of a suspension (actually, I'm not sure that he doesn't have some exposure to suspension right now), and, second, this behavior is so unfathomably stupid that it really calls into question whether he has the mental processes required to be an above-average, to say nothing of elite, NFL qb.

omar, given how the TSA has searched my checked baggage the last three times I did check bags(my name must have gotten on a list somehow), I'd be a little hesitant about telling anybody to put anything illegal in their checked luggage.

by Chris (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 10:19pm

Such a stupid and lazy player that puts him self over the team.

This is the guy that admited he didn't watch film until months after the season started.

This is the guy that points his finger at everybody but himself when stuff goes wrong. It's ALWAYS, his line, his coaches, his receivers, or the media's fault.

How stupid are you to bring a weed-er-bottle through airport security? Has this guy ever flown before?

Maybe they will have to dumb down the offense again for this putz.

by Chris (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 10:22pm

and I wonder if Mike Pick6 and Marcus get a family discount when they have to frequent the lawyers for their speeding, drug charges, rape charges, and pulling guns on 18 year olds outside of Mcdonalds parking lots.

Worst trade ever...
Mike Pick6 for LT and Drew Brees

by Will Allen (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 10:54pm

Yep, that's a pretty awful trade, and it is another example of trading up at the top of the 1st round being pretty risky; nobody really is good enough at talent evaluation to make such a trade a good idea.

by Vince (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 11:19pm

59, 60: THAT WAS NOT THE TRADE. Why does everyone include Brees in the deal? It was Tim Dwight and draft picks, which turned out to be Tomlinson, Reche Caldwell and a defensive back I can't remember. But not Brees. Brees was selected with the Chargers' own second round pick.

by Vince (not verified) :: Fri, 01/19/2007 - 11:21pm

Tay Cody. The DB was Tay Cody.

by emcee fleshy (atl/sd) (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 4:41am

Everybody thinks of the pick as Brees, because that's who ATL would have taken but-for the trade. And many here in ATL had already assumed that Brees was as good as here. Many of us were surprised by the trade, since it seemed like a good idea (then), and therefore out of character for the Smith family.

Instead, ATL took Crumpler with their 2d round. Best player on the team, as it turns out.

by andrew (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 6:01am


oh, sorry,