Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

20 Jan 2007

Write Your Own Story

As per the request of about 10 people in the AFC Championship Game Preview Thread, Patrick Hruby's gorgeous piece on the media buildup to this game is probably the best thing you will read on Page 2 for months that has nothing to do with D.J. Gallo.

Posted by: Bill Barnwell on 20 Jan 2007

27 comments, Last at 22 Jan 2007, 1:32pm by SD Pack Fan


by Yaguar (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 6:41am

Thanks so much for putting this up, Bill.

I'll leave it up to the next few posts to quote the funniest lines from the article in random order, as is FO tradition.

by Alex (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 6:53am

A couple of my favorites:

"63 Rick Herrin, Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 2007. Debatable; David Copperfield landing Claudia Schiffer is magical; Brady dropping Bridget Moynahan is trading up."

"90 When sports journalists need to add gravitas to an amusing but hardly Earth-shattering event -- which is to say, all the time -- the concept of athletic legacy is often introduced."

by michael (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 11:58am

Never trust a sports writer who invokes the law of averages; none of us took more than a basic statistics course in college -- and by "take," we mean "slept through" -- and most of us struggle with figuring out the tip on our bar tabs.

but... but.. but... the average NFL play runs for X yards.. they should *always* go for it on fourth!

by asp_j (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 1:58pm

I expected the article to be funny. I did not expect the *footnotes* to be funny.

BTW, I think he has 65 & 66 reversed.

by Yaxley (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 2:45pm

Now I know why ten people requested that this be posted: it's awesome.

by milwaukee (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 2:46pm

That was beautiful.

by Jesse (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 3:18pm

The man deserves a Pulitzer

by MarkB (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 3:35pm

I didn't count, but Dan Shaughnessy is certainly in the running for cliche-master. Not surprising, that. By the way, don't hold Bostonians responsible for anything G. Callahan says or writes. Granted, SOME of us are undoubtedly racist morons, but there's a difference between statistical association and sweeping generalization. And what the hell is the Massachusetts Telegram and Gazette? I've never heard of it until now. [After a quick Google search] That's the WORCESTER T&G. Worcester exists only to serve as a pronunciation torture test for local news anchors just hired from their last gig in Cornpone USA. It's Wus-ter, not War-chester, Miss LipGloss, figure it out.

by Bill Barnwell :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 3:40pm

In all fairness, I gave up prounouncing any towns in Massachusetts properly after someone told me how to pronounce Billerica.

by Not saying (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 4:19pm

Re: 8

Don't you mean Wustah?

by Not saying (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 4:31pm

Re: 9

If you think Massachusetts is hard, you should try some towns in Vermont. In 1998 a guy won the Republican nomination for U.S. Senate after spending $200 by showing that his opponent (a city-slicker) couldn't pronounce towns like Calais (and also didn't know how many teats a cow has). (Story here.)

by MarkB (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 5:27pm

Re: 10

Actually, it's Wusta. That terminal "h" is used to differentiate the Down-East yankees. As in "You cahn't get from they-ah from he-ah." Also note, the "Kennedy" accent as portrayed by the Mayor in The Simpsons is not the Boston accent. No Bostonian talks like that. The Kennedys took the Brahmin New England waspy yankee accent to rise above the local Irish riff-raff. Ironic, no?

by Harris (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 5:55pm

I still don't want to watch this game but I'm tempted to check out the columns to see who best stuck to the formula. In fairness, I'm sure sports writers are sick of this matchup and would dearly love to write something like, "Look, nobody other than Massholes and rednecks gives two craps about who wins this game, but there are only two weeks of the NFL left and I've got a deadline. So I hope the waterhead wins this time because watching him meltdown in the Super Bowl will be more interesting than watching him meltdown in the AFC championship game and Bellichik is never more entertaining than after a loss when he gets sand in his vag. Plus, I think Brady waxes his bikini line and that ain't right."

by are-tee (not verified) :: Sat, 01/20/2007 - 11:17pm

"To borrow from Shaggy in Scooby-Doo, "Zoiks!"

The word is zoinks, with an N.

by Arbman (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 12:42am

I hope you all noticed how swagger made it into the article. Nice one, Slate. Way to provide intelligent football analysis. Maybe the reason centers are so important to the offensive line is that their swagger sets the tone for the rest of the line?

by Adam (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 1:54am

"Wista" is occasionally accepted as well. I still love driving past MATT-uh-PWAH-suht.

by David (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 2:32am

You New Englanders and your ridiculous names.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to drive out to Bala Cynwyd, and then back to Conshohocken.

by sippican (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 10:05am

Hey Adam- It's pronounced Matt- A- Poy -Set.

The next town over used to be called... Sippican

by dryheat (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 11:21am

I don't think Mass has anything on Central-Western New York. Upon moving to Rochester, I learned that Charlotte was pronounced shar-LOT, Chili was pronounced SHY-LYE, Avon has a soft A, like Avenue, and Steubenville was stew-BEN-ville.

by David (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 12:42pm

Delaware's fun like that too - I live near Houston, pronounced HOW-ston, and vaguely close to Newark, pronounced New Ark.

by Peter Libero (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 2:10pm

19: Maybe it's just me, but that's how I would pronounce "Steubenville" and "Charlotte" by default. Particularly I have no idea how you could say "charlotte." Shar-loot? Shar-lott-ee?

20: Well "houston" isn't that odd, at least if you're familiar with SoHo. Is "New Ark" the same as Newark, New Jersey? Do you just mean it should be "new-erk?" I guess the "a" sound would be kind of weird.

by David (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 2:19pm

Newark, NJ is pronounced Newerk, yeah.

by Scott de B. (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 2:21pm

Particularly I have no idea how you could say “charlotte.� Shar-loot? Shar-lott-ee?

You're kidding, right? Have you never seen Charlotte's Web?

by Jason Mulgrew (not verified) :: Sun, 01/21/2007 - 5:17pm


Newark, NJ- Newerk. I have heard some people pronounce it "Nork."

Pronouncing Houston HOWS-ton actually makes some sense to me. Houston looks like house with no e and a ton on the end.

Nice. Very nice.

by Tom Kelso (not verified) :: Mon, 01/22/2007 - 12:21am


Be careful near Intercourse; you never know what you'll run into.

by throughthelookingglass (not verified) :: Mon, 01/22/2007 - 3:57am

This story is even better now that all the cliches were busted.

by SD Pack Fan (not verified) :: Mon, 01/22/2007 - 1:32pm

Just FYI, the capitol of South Dakota is Pierre. It's pronounced "Peer", not "Pea-air."

When I lived in eastern PA, the town of Bethlehem was pronounced "Beth-lem."