Writers of Pro Football Prospectus 2008

28 Apr 2009

Briggs Reportedly Cuts Hand With Straight Razor

While attempting to shave with a straight razor, Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs apparently cut his hand open. If true, and he failed to notify the team of his injury, it could violate terms of his contract. Still, it could have been worse, as seen at 7:30 of this clip.

Posted by: Vincent Verhei on 28 Apr 2009

32 comments, Last at 01 May 2009, 7:16am by emocut


by Temo :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 2:46pm

As a guy who recently switched to a straight razor and then switched back due to excessive bleeding, I sympathize.

"Then again, I'm a Bobby Carpenter believer." -- Barnwell

by masoch (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:01pm

I either haven't had enough coffee, or I'm going daft...

Is the clip there because of all the foo-fer-ah on his neck, and you're joking that it's there to stop the bleeding?

Or am I *totally* missing something?

by Matt W (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 4:37pm

Play through (or skip) to about 7:30, when the newscaster says something like "We are grateful to Mr. Blackadder for standing in on short notice after the previous returning officer accidentally brutally stabbed himself in the stomach while shaving."

by Chris (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:23pm

Slow news day?

by Dave0 :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:25pm

Lance Briggs gets himself into some weird situations off the field.

by Joe T. :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:36pm

Is he the inaugural winner of the "Better Stick With a Bic" Award?

by Bobman :: Thu, 04/30/2009 - 5:21pm

Keep Chopping Head/Neck?

The award for the offseason headline most likely to raise concerns FAR beyond what the situation actually merits....

by Insancipitory :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 3:44pm

I sharpen my mower blades because I'm cheap. After I spent an hour getting one sharp enough to split atoms, I was putting it back on, the block slipped, blade moved hand went with it. I more or less type and click professionally, so that kinda sucked ass.

Now I change blades with thick leather gloves. Sharp things are sharp. Seems obvious, but when you're not paying close enough attention, it's not.

If it didn't require stitches, or other attention beyond mundane first aid I can't see how it'd have contract implications.

/considered given a straight razor a shot, but i like my ears
//did I mention i'm clumsy?

by ThunderThumbs (not verified) :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 1:04am

uh... are you saying you cut your hand off?

by Theo :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 4:20am

"Now I change blades with thick leather gloves."
Gloves, plural, so I guess he cut himself.

by Insancipitory :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 11:38am

Just a nasty cut across 4 fingers on my left hand. Thank you for your concern. c:

/I do take the sparkplug, fuel and oil out when I change blades.

by Herm? (not verified) :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 11:14am

I prefer the headline "EMO Briggs Cuts Himself." With a follow-up "You'd think the love of thousands of Bears fans would help him get over his issues, but he's done it again.
In all actuality, the cliche explanation of putting his hand through something glass while very angry about a female fits here.

(contributing to the threadjack)
I'm cheap too. I definitely wear gloves and goggles for that task. Looks stupid but it definitely saves from stitches and worse. I'm just surprised that the accident didn't happen trying to remove the blade, that's usually the hardest part.

/The more you know

//Now you know, and knowing is half the battle (GI JOEEEE!)

///And that's one to grow on

////Bravo Butch, where did you learn all that? (...a little bird told me...)

/////A junior consumer tip from your Better Business Bureau

by tuluse :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 4:38pm

Have you ever seen the fake GI Joe PSA's? You can find them on youtube, they are hilarious (but NSFW).

by Chris (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 5:25pm

Insanciptory - WE HAVE A BLEEDER

by Jimmy :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 5:47pm

FWIW maybe there should also be a link to this


(I'd have put this in my name as a link, but the box t do this seems to be missing)

by underthebus :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 5:56pm

Egads this is such a non-story. Especially since Extra Points has been missing some noteworthy stories this off-season. I mean what about Travis Henry's imprisonment and Beck being cut from the Dolphins? Those seem more worthy of an Extra Point link.

by Bill Barnwell :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 11:06pm

A third-string quarterback getting cut and a free agent halfback going to jail are more relevant than one of the NFL's best linebackers nearly suffering a serious injury because....

by underthebus :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 1:37pm

As Chris noted below, Beck was highly touted by the Lewin forecast and to me might have sparked a discussion regarding the accuracy of said forecast, not unreasonable for a stat based site.

As for Travis Henry, he was a 7 year NFL vet, once pro bowl participant and was a starting rb for several teams. He was convicted of a major felony and will serve 10 years jail time. The only other major felony convictions I can think of are Vick, Phillips and Carruth (which were all big stories). That story trumps Lance Briggs cutting his hand and having to wear a bandage.

With that said, you guys do great work here and I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers. I'm just bored at work and enjoy as much football discussion as possible.

by Insancipitory :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 2:02pm

Doesn't the Beck conversation, quickly and inevitably degenerate to "too old" "missed his opportunity"?

The thing with Travis Henry, to me illustrates the difference between gossip and news. He wasn't going to be helping any more teams. It's perhaps noteworthy, but it's not anything that's going to be useful in the evaluation of or crafting expectations for the upcoming season. The most newsworthy aspect of Henry's latest is that he has so many children scattered across north america and perhaps the globe, the news might just be the most efficent method of informing them all.


by Bill Barnwell :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 2:36pm

No offense taken -- just trying to explain why stories do and don't get linked.

Lewin on Beck, PFP 2007: "Beck better be ready to play soon, because he'll be 26 by the time he takes the field in a Dolphins uniform. Beck's projection is slightly higher than Quinn's, but don't conclude that Miami made the right decision passing on Quinn just yet. Other than Chris Weinke, there isn't much of a precedent on which to base the projection for a quarterback Beck's age, but I suspect Beck will fall a bit short of what his college stats suggest. He will be 30 years old by his fifth year in the league, the year in which most quarterbacks enter their prime. His age won't necessarily prevent him from being successful, but if he hasn't made it by his second year in the league, he probably never will."

That doesn't strike me as highly touted. If, say, Philip Rivers totally bombed -- then we'd have a real discussion to talk about.

As for Henry -- we generally only link stories if they affect what's happening on the field. There are plenty of felony convictions for guys who are out of the league that we don't link because it doesn't have anything to do with the game. Henry's out of the league at this point. If we got a lot of requests to link stories like that, we'd consider it, but you're the only person to request a link to discuss either of these stories.

by Will Allen (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 7:01pm

This is only barely a story if he cut himself with a straight razor, at 2 A.M., while shaving, while driving 80 in a 30 zone, in an Italian sports car.

Now, if there was someone in the passenger seat who was not seen until Briggs cut himself, and screeched to a halt, that's a real story. If that someone was a guy, well, THAT'S TMZ heaven!

by rk (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 11:01pm

Steelers cut Foote. Briggs one-ups them.

by Bobman :: Thu, 04/30/2009 - 5:24pm


by Vincent Verhei :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 11:14pm

I'll be honest, I just wanted an excuse to post the Blackadder link.

by sublime (not verified) :: Tue, 04/28/2009 - 11:20pm

My guess is that Lance Briggs was holding a bottle of his favorite beverage while reading Sean McCormick's article in FO titled "2003 NFL Draft: Six Years Later". When he got to the part where McCormick said that Nick Barnett was the best linebacker drafted that year because he was named as an "alternate" six times to the Pro Bowl (as opposed to Briggs four trips as a first teamer), he laughed so hard the bottle broke in his hand.

Just my theory.

by Whatev (not verified) :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 2:47am

I thought only barbers still used straight razors.

by pcs :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 10:45am

Well, barbers and Mr. Blonde

by Bobman :: Thu, 04/30/2009 - 5:26pm

Mr. Blonde is a much cooler name than Mr. Pink or Mr. Brown.....

by MC2 :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 5:54am

Looks like it's time for the "Keep Slicin' Hands" Award...

by Chris (not verified) :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 9:12am

Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't Dave Lewin a big supporter of John Beck, the Miami Dolphins 3rd string quarterback?

Isn't he more linked to the football outsiders than other players?

by andrew :: Wed, 04/29/2009 - 6:13pm

I always love showing those clips to fans of House and Hugh Laurie.

by emocut (not verified) :: Fri, 05/01/2009 - 7:16am

Are you sure he wasn't playing around with Cutlers finger pricker? I can see Lance and Cuddles getting into a scuffle then Cuddles slashes Lance with his pricker.