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16 Jan 2008

Scramble for the Ball: 2007 All-KCW Team

by Bill Barnwell

Each week of the season, we nominate a player or coach for the "Keep Choppin' Wood Award," our shrine to suck dedicated to then-Jaguars punter Chris Hanson and motivational expert/NFL head coach Jack Del Rio.

At the end of the year, though, we have a whole season to look back on and far too much mediocrity to revel in. Therefore, it's only suitable for us to answer the NFL's All-Pro teams with the exact opposite: The Keep Choppin' Wood team. This year's team features a crossover star who will play in both Hawaii and Hades (proverbially, on both counts).

Remember that the Keep Choppin' Wood team is selected based upon several principles. We note a player's performance relative to that of his price tag and expectations, so a guy can make it like Pat Watkins did last year, even on a rookie salary, just because he sucked that much. However, someone like Darrelle Revis didn't make it this year -- his struggles were the usual rookie struggles, nothing special. We also place a high regard on players who commit crimes as potential All-KCW team members, which leads us to our starting quarterback.

QB Michael Vick, ATL

This one should be simple enough.

RB Shaun Alexander, SEA

Alexander's running style at this point of his career is real easy to break down. Take ball. Look around wild-eyed, as if handoff was unplanned and new. Take step in one direction. Take second step in same direction. Notice big men in front of potential fifth and sixth steps. Take step in other, farther away direction. Take second step in same direction. Notice big men in front of potential fourth and fifth steps. Take step in previous direction. Take second step in same direction. Notice big men standing on your feet. Fall down. Jump up. Clap hands. Make Ben Riley cry. Repeat.

(Ed. note: Bill forgot the final step, "Whine about role in offense after the game.")

WR Darrell Jackson, SF

WR Robert Meachem, NO

WR Matt Jones, JAC

On All-KCW, we're in a lot of (insert down)-and-long situations, so we're just going to start off in three-wide and go from there. These three players were failures, each for their own reasons.

Jackson was supposed to be Tim Ruskell's big mistake of the off-season, a veteran player dealt to a division rival that needed exactly what Jackson was supposed to be: a possession receiver and safety blanket for their young quarterback, Alex Smith. Instead, Smith imploded and Trent Dilfer sucked, and although we'll get to further reasons why below, Jackson didn't help out, either. Jackson had the lowest catch rate of any receiver in football with 50 or more attempts at 44 percent, an astounding drop exacerbated not only by the quarterback play, but the return of Jackson's butterfingers. Meanwhile, Seattle managed to do just fine despite missing Deion Branch and D.J. Hackett for large portions of the regular season. Advantage, Ruskell.

Meachem was the Saints' first-round pick and expected to play as, at least, the third receiver in the Saints high-powered passing attack. Instead, Meachem showed up to training camp out of shape, got hurt, and never really recovered, failing to suit up for a single game all year.

Matt Jones was a player who we highlighted as a potential breakout star in the Jaguars offense this year. Instead, the workout wonder was essentially a zero for Jacksonville this season, becoming the subject of trade rumors and nearly stepping in at quarterback during an injury crisis. It appears that if Jones is going to become a receiver as opposed to an athlete playing one, that won't be happening in Jacksonville.

TE Jerramy Stevens, TB

It's not that Stevens' performance on the field this year was bad, because he was actually superb when he did play; instead, Stevens gets a KCW nod for being run out of Seattle following his arrest for driving under the influence and possessing marijuana and being so non grata that no team would take on the talented tight end to be a key player on their team.

T Alex Barron, STL

T Jonas Jennings, SF

Barron's streak of being among the most penalized players in football continued this year with 16 penalties, second behind only Robert Gallery on the offensive side of things. On the other hand, Jennings was an absolute locker room cancer, with the 49ers placing him on injured reserve with a somewhat minor injury just to get him away from the team. Despite his talent, Jennings won't be returning to San Francisco come 2008.

G Claude Terrell, STL

G Chester Pitts, HOU

A pair of legal issues befell these two guards. Terrell was charged with assaulting his wife at a Houston hotel and was released by the team the next day, while Pitts was pulled over for making an illegal turn, then sped away and had to be chased down and stopped once more. That, my friends, is a felony charge of evading arrest.

C Sean Mahan, PIT

Mahan was a rare Pittsburgh foray into the other side of the free agent market, where you actually sign other team's players as opposed to having yours signed away. Unfortunately for Pittsburgh, they got to experience another fun lesson of free agency: Sometimes, you pick the wrong guy. Mahan was brought in to replace the retiring Jeff Hartings, only to fail miserably in the process. On the bright side, Ben Roethlisberger still has his spleen.

DE Simeon Rice, TB/DEN/IND

DE Jamaal Anderson, ATL

Rice chopped three different pieces of wood this season. After he made noise about not giving way to first-round pick Gaines Adams, the Buccaneers cut Rice. He shopped his services around and went to Denver, who promptly found that their draftees were far superior to the pass-rush specialist and cut him after weeks of inactivity. He signed on with the Colts, who needed a pass rusher following the season-ending injury to Dwight Freeney, only to be cut after two games and one sack. Rice's career appears to be over in somewhat ignominious fashion.

Anderson, meanwhile, gets nominated as a rookie for his utter lack of a mark in the dire Falcons defense. Replacing Patrick Kerney, who led the NFC in sacks, Anderson managed to start 16 games without recording a single sack. Then again, it's not really too fair to say that such a raw player coming out of college should have been polished by the abortion of a coaching staff put together in Atlanta this year.

DT Warren Sapp, OAK

DT Marcus Stroud, JAC

Speaking of careers that ended in ignominious fashions, it's hard to find a worse ending than Sapp's, whose last game on an active roster was under suspension for starting a fracas with a ref the week before, earning him an ejection. Sapp lost 50 pounds before the year, and apparently he thought he left them on the sides of offensive linemen, since he did a great job exploring them this year.

The Jaguars' Stroud was considered one of the top defensive linemen in football coming into the season, but he had an atrocious year, playing poorly, getting suspended for a flunked steroid test, and coming back only to get hurt and find a comfy spot on IR.

LB Cato June, TB

LB Jonathan Vilma, NYJ

LB Joey Porter, MIA

Porter was the "star" here; after receiving $20 million in guaranteed money from the Dolphins to play outside linebacker for them, Porter beat up Levi Jones at the Palms and followed it up with a piss-poor season, picking up all of 2.5 sacks in the first 13 games of the season before finishing with three more in the final three games.

Vilma had his second straight poor year in the 3-4, which is also arguably an issue of the scheme, but brings up another, somewhat similar question: If Vilma's such a poor fit in the 3-4, can we really say he's that great of a linebacker in the 4-3? Can a system make a player look just as good as another system does bad? We'll see when Vilma recovers from injury and gets sent to a 4-3 scheme somewhere. It's amazing how much better the Jets defense looked with rookie David Harris in the middle.

In a year with a relatively innocuous group of linebackers, June's DUI charge in November made him the somewhat unfairly-named linebacker in this group. He actually had a fine year on the field.

CB Corey Ivy, BAL

CB Hole in Zone

Corey Ivy was an absolute disaster for the Ravens, becoming an out for teams who couldn't find a way to move the ball against an relatively otherwise-excellent Ravens defense.

Hole in Zone struggled some this year against bigger receivers. Well, and smaller receivers too. The quick ones. And the slow ones. He did better against guys with poor hands than on guys with good ones, but even the poor-handed guys did well.

CB Jason David, NO

Even the KCW team realizes that starting a blank is better than putting Jason David out there, though. David gets to be our nickel back.

S Roy Williams, DAL

S Atari Bigby, GB

It's odd to pick two safeties from the NFC's two most successful regular season teams on the All-KCW team, including one who made the Pro Bowl, but there's not a more laughable "reputation" pick for the Pro Bowl than Williams, whose utter inability to cover anything was the problem the Cowboys defense had to hide all season. The Cowboys' weakness in pass defense was their number 28 ranking against tight ends, a direct reflection of Williams, who was often isolated against those tight ends with much flailing ensuing. At this point, Williams is not only not a Pro Bowler, he's a net negative to a fantastic Cowboys defense.

Meanwhile, rumors that a Bigby Fathead would consist of a flag with dreadlocks on it were unfounded as of press time, mainly owing to the superb Divisional Round game he had in terrorizing the Seahawks, which illuminates the problem in analyzing such a player: Bigby has plus speed and great range, but if he didn't, he wouldn't be in the NFL, because he can't cover, has an awful feel for zones in the passing game, and draws penalties at a Gallerian rate.

K Adam Vinatieri, IND

The good news for Adam Vinatieri this year was that his kickoffs (ignoring the coverage schemes of the Colts) were average. The bad news was that he wasn't signed for his kickoffs, but instead for his clutch godliness and field goal accuracy, and he didn't deliver on either. He missed a chipshot game-winner against San Diego in what was likely his most important kick of the year, and overall, his -12.39 FG/XP points were worst in the league, nearly three points worse than Olindo Mare, who finished 31st.

P Todd Sauerbrun, DEN

Sauerbrun departed New England to return to Denver, kicked to Devin Hester, failed miserably, and was arrested after an altercation with a taxi driver that resulted in his release. When he wasn't doing all that, he was the sixth-worst punter in football after adjusting for altitude. Maybe he should've just agreed to have the Patriots match the contract offer he got instead of filing a grievance with the NFLPA.

SNAP Boone Stutz, SEA

RET Eddie Drummond, KC

My favorite description of Stutz's snaps, which arguably cost the Seahawks at least one game, is from the AP: "Stutz was powerful -- too powerful. His snaps got back quickly but often not in the right place, like a fastball pitcher who lacked control. He was especially wild on field goals." Saying he was especially wild on field goals isn't really a good subset considering it's, oh, about 40 percent of his job. Drummond was the worst kick returner in the league and the third worst punt returner.

Coach Bobby Petrino, ATL

Our KCW MVP this year, though, isn't a player. It's a coach. Bobby Petrino's utter disappearing act in Atlanta put the girlfriend metaphor I wrote up last year in the Dolphins chapter to shame, as Petrino not only burned his NFL bridge, he set it on fire again, dropped things on it with a crane, and then dragged it into the middle of the ring and gave it three Earthquake splashes before the refs came in. The only redeeming factor was the utter vitriol spewed by the media towards Petrino.

Thanks to the wonderful SignOnSanDiego database for details on some of the arrests, as well as members of the FO staff for contributing their suggestions.

Check out the Football Outsiders comics archive and Jason's wacky Gil Thorp blog.

FO Staff Playoff Draft Update

Well, at least I went down in a blaze of ... suck. As if 47 points through two rounds isn't embarrassing enough, I am down to all of two players now: Come on, Donald Lee and Stephen Gostkowski!

On the winner's side of things, Doug leads with 150 points, owing to the late defensive touchdowns Seattle picked up against a demoralized Redskins team, while Jason's a close second. The scores:

2008 Football Outsiders Playoff Fantasy Teams
  SEAN 102 TIM 102 DOUG 150
QB Brady, NE 25 Manning, IND 28 Hasselbeck, SEA 24
RB Barber, DAL 18 Taylor, JAC 14 Jones-Drew, JAC 23
RB Davenport, PIT 16 Portis, WAS 7 Jacobs, NYG 24
WR Welker, NE 11 Driver, GB 1 Wayne, IND 13
WR Burress, NYG 3 Chambers, SD 24 Engram, SEA 17
WR Gonzalez, IND 13 Moss, WAS 13 Williams, JAC 4
TE Witten, DAL 8 Gates, SD 4 Stevens, TB 0
K Kaeding, SD 9 Vinatieri, IND 7 Brown, SEA 20
DEF Indianapolis 2 Green Bay 4 Seattle 25
  JASON 142 AARON 103 BILL 47
QB Garrard, JAC 30 Favre, GB 20 Romo, DAL 13
RB Grant, GB 34 Maroney, NE 22 Addai, IND 10
RB Graham, TB 12 Tomlinson, SD 15 Alexander, SEA 13
WR Moss, NE 1 Owens, DAL 10 Galloway, TB 0
WR Jennings, GB 19 Branch, SEA 0 Crayton, DAL 2
WR Gaffney, NE 2 Ward, PIT 13 Harrison, IND 0
TE Clark, IND 15 Watson, NE 13 Lee, GB 1
K Crosby, GB 6 Folk, DAL 5 Gostkowski, NE 7
DEF San Diego 13 New England 5 Tampa Bay 1

We'll be following up later this week with Best of the Rest leaders in an XP.

Keep Choppin' Wood

KCW for the Divisional Round goes to Cowboys wideout and subject of much FO love Patrick Crayton, for his somewhat dire performance on Sunday. Crayton's known for a bit of trash-talking, and for a player whose resume still reads "excellent number three wideout," that's not exactly in line with his performance. Crayton's drops on Sunday were a huge factor in curtailing Cowboys drives, while his inability to get open against an admittedly mediocre Giants secondary was also an indictment of his desire to be a starting receiver next year.

Posted by: Bill Barnwell on 16 Jan 2008

73 comments, Last at 21 Jun 2008, 3:42am by Ixtapaaaaa


by Andy (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 3:58pm

this column must have gotten cut. skips from RB to S

by PatsSF (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:06pm

Best. Comic. Ever.

by Pat (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:11pm

Yeah, whoever placed the editor comment forgot to close a quote in the Alexander comment.

by Andrew (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:13pm

There's a missing quote in a - the whole column's there if you View Source.

by Karl Cuba (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:19pm

I'm pretty sure that Manning IND has been eliminated from the playoffs and so shouldn't be on TIM's team.

by Theo, Holland (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:26pm

See 1.
to the end.

by FullmoonoverTulsa (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:27pm

The Boone stuff reminds me of former Padres OF Carmelo Martinez, a shaky fielder: "I only have trouble with fly balls".

by Kurt (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:29pm

Tim has the wrong Manning! And did someone draft the can of Manwich for their best of the rest team?

by admin :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:33pm

HTML error now fixed, so the column should be all set.

by BadgerT1000 (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:41pm

The entire Packer secondary gets confused when playing zone. If the group isn't in man coverage they might as well be guys walking along the road trying to hitch a ride. They just amble along out there every so often waving their arms.

by B (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:45pm

Mmmmm, Manwhich. Is that clambake I see in panel four?

by The Original Sam (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 4:51pm

"It appears that if Jones is going to become a receiver as opposed to an athlete playing one, that won’t be happening in Jacksonville."

Jaguars fans can only hope.

As far as Marcus Stroud being billed as one of the game's top DT's coming into this year... I beg to differ. Anybody paying attention knew he was coming off microfracture surgery on his ankle. We didn't know how well he'd play.

by jonnyblazin (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 5:07pm

Corey Ivy is actually a really good CB when defending the slot WR and blitzing from that position. It's when he's forced to cover 1 on 1 on the outside when he struggles: he's really quick and strong for his size, but doesn't have the speed to be on an island. Since McCalister and Rolle were hurt pretty much all year, he was playing out of position quite often.

The Pats game is one of the few games Rolle and McCalister were playing, and Ivy held Welker to 3 catches for 18 yards.

by James, London (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 5:15pm

Another fabulous comic, and "Hole in Zone" at Corner with Jason David playing the Nickel is utterly hilarious. Serious laugh out loud funny.

by TheWedge (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 5:44pm

I have to say "Hole in the Zone" starting ahead of Jason David at CB is pretty much the funniest thing ever.

by Zac (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 5:44pm

Sapp lost 50 pounds before the year, and apparently he thought he left them on the sides of offensive linemen, since he did a great job exploring them this year.

I have no idea what that means.

by TheWedge (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 5:45pm

Argh! Beaten to it!

by Mike Y (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:02pm

No Cedric Benson? What about Fred Miller?

by JCRODRIGUEZ (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:08pm

On behalf of Sean Mahan, I want to accept this long-awaited award, and will hand it to him at the third-backup center position of the Steelers roster, where he will rot until his contract expires and then can go back, elsewhere, at the NFC South and gain some change as Allan Faneca's dubbious impersonator...

Thank You, very, very much!

by Nathan (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:10pm

Hole in the Zone for MVP of All KCW team!

by Charles Johnson (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:11pm


by Kurt (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:17pm

I'm with 16 - a snark-to-English translation would be nice.

by Geo B (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:32pm

#19 - Perfect. I lost count of how many times Mahan was blown three yards into the backfield after the snap. Seems like the Steelers have to find another center and a way to replace Faneca - I can't believe they will sign him. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette beat writer suggests moving Simmons to center, Mahan or Keomatu (sp) to LG, Colon from RT to RG and signing Starks back to play RT. Anything that improves the center play will help Big Ben keep his spleen (that was SO funny).

by Jimmy (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:34pm

I would like to echo the earlier poster who called for Fred Miller to be given serious consideration.

What really wierds me out though is the omission of Adam Archuleta. Is there something worth a damn that he did this year that I don't know about?

by Bill Barnwell :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:35pm

Sorry - basically, Sapp pretty much refused to take on blockers this year, and instead, tried to run around the sides of them to get to the ball carrier, often failing. Hence, he was trying to find the fat on their sides. It was a little obtuse and not particularly funny.

by The McNabb Bowl Game Anomaly (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:47pm

The KCW MVP for the Redskins was definitely Brandon Lloyd. My God, that guy sucks. Not only that, but he refused to acknowledge that anything might be his fault as he got demoted and benched.

Here are his numbers:

8 games played
1 start
11 targets
2 catches
18% catch rate
14 yards
1.3 yards per pass
-4.9 DPAR
-85.2% DVOA

And he makes starter money! And the Skins gave up TWO middle round picks for him! For my money, he's the worst personnel acquisition of the Snyder era.

by Boots Day (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:53pm

It's funny how you don't hear so much talk about Adam Vinatieri for the Hall of Fame anymore.

by wr (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 6:59pm

25 (Bill)

Eh, you're going to lay an egg sometimes, and in any event "Hole in Zone" more than makes up for it.

by Mike Y (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:06pm

#24 - Yes, I forgot about Adam Archuleta. What a wasted pickup that was.

Also, I think it was a little bit of a cop-out to include Vick as the quarterback, considering we knew he wasn't going to play this year in early August. I'd like to know who would be the KCW quarterback out of the people who played a significant amount this year (or who was a projected starter). Maybe Charlie Frye? John Beck? Steve McNair?

by Tarrant (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:11pm

I don't know, I think Vick was a good selection.

The general criteria for KCW is "The player /coach that most contributed to his team losing."

I would say that Mike Vick, through his actions, contributed more to the Atlanta Falcons losses this season than almost any other quarterback.

by Doug Farrar :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:12pm

#29 -- Quite possibly David "Rent-a" Carr.

by turbohappy (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:30pm

Hole in Zone ahead of Jason David caused me to disturb my co-workers with my laughing!

by Mike W (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:30pm

This just in from Us Weekly:

In: Hole in Zone

Out: Robo-punter

"Hole in Zone" shirts, anyone? Maybe with Jason David's number?

by Bobman (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:31pm

#21, very good point, but you were just a backup. Bad as you were, nobody expected you to be all that much better.

I was pretty sure AV would be here, but was his whole season that bad? I thought he mainly had a bad patch in the middle. His FG% was okay and he finally hit one over 40 last week! But unlike Charles Johnson at OT, the dropoff from expectations to actual performance was HUGE for AV. The reason we hear less and less of AV's HOF cadre is he's not on the team with the loudest fans anymore. Wait ten years and they'll forget he wore the horseshoe.

I AM glad to see some ex-Colts cropping up--vindication for Polian and Dungy? Or just another reason to villify them because they drafted those guys? Two sides to every coin, I suppose.

Not sure what was funnier, Hole in Zone/David or the comic. Adam West (mayor of Quahog)... Manwich...? Talk about shrooms affecting judgement. The comic was insane, surreal, oh, and funny as shit. Keep up the great work.

by turbohappy (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:31pm

Vinatieri WAS hurt this year. He looked pretty good in the playoff game, sending kickoffs into the endzone and hitting a field goal over 40 for the first time this year.

by Bobman (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:33pm

#33 Genius shirt idea! But will we be able to explain it in 10 years when somebody asks? Who cares!

But don't you dare diss Mr. P. You wouldn't like him to kick you if he got angry.

by skinny65 (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:46pm

I have to assume that pac-man wasn't eligible for this team?

by patriotsgirl (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 7:50pm

20 and 21 couldn't have been done by the same person, nooo...

Anyway, I was surprised to see so few 49ers on this list, particularly on O. (Can't Jim Hostler be an honorary mention, at least?)

by Harris (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:16pm

HUGE Shout-out for the Frankie Manning reference. He danced 80 blocks down Broadway on his 80th birthday. He's a better human than all of us.

Also, no love for the overpaid bust that is Jevon Kearse?

by andrew (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:23pm

I am extremely proud of the Vikings being KCW-free this year. At least first-team.

by kibbles (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:27pm

Nate Webster would have made an amazing lockdown corner. There were entire games where I didn't see his jersey enter the frame a single time. Of course, too bad for Nate Webster that he's an LB instead of a CB, and not being anywhere near the action is generally considered a bad thing for his position. He should have made it over Cato June, IMO.

by jbrown (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:29pm

The Chester Pitts deal is kinda funny and misleading. While "speeding away" he never went over 15-20 mph. According to him he thought the officer was finished and he could go. So he started driving off, and the officer came up behind him again with the sirens on and pulled him over about a quarter mile from the original spot.

by Thok (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:46pm

Re 29:

In the non-Vick division, Alex Smith has to be the KCW QB, not just for sucking but also for causing a masive fight with Nolan over whether or not he was injured.

by JR (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 8:51pm

Warren Sapp was not suspended for the San Diego game. He played, forced a fumble, had about half dozen tackles, was a consistent presence in the middle of the line (unlike most of the year), behaved himself, and even consoled Johnnie Lee Higgins after he put the final nail in the team's coffin.

He had a bad season and probably deserved a spot on this team. However, had he played all season like he did in the final week, he would not have been anywhere near this team. It was actually nice to see him end on such a positive note.

by DolFan 316 (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:05pm

Only one person from a 1-15 team that has to be one of the worst in modern NFL history? I demand a recount!!!

The sad part is, I know why there was only one person--because virtually every player on the Fins is so nondescript and untalented that they attract the attention of no one :-(

But even so...Cam HAD to be the coach instead of Petrino. Leaving in the middle of the night Irsay-style is one thing. Being fired after just one season because you made the coaches before you who had to deal with the same lack of talent look like geniuses is a whole different plane of ineptness altogether.

by DolFan 316 (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:09pm

#44: Speaking of ending on a bad note, what about Keith Traylor? Dude plays about 18 years in the league and gets suspended for his final game ever due to a fight on the team plane back from Foxboro. The other Fins' vets lobby for him to come back and Cam agrees, but Traylor refuses and stays home in Oklahoma instead.

Now THAT's a sad end to a career!

by Jimmy (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:19pm


Smith was injured, it showed up clearly in his play. It wasn't his fault that Nolan failed to make sure that the number two quarterback was capable of playing in the NFL anymore. Nolan tried to pressure Smith into playing and it backfired, he couldn't throw with any accuracy after his shoulder got hurt anyway.


You are bang on. I would argue that Hostler had as big a part in dooming his franchise's season as any other person involved with the NFL. OK maybe Vick, but Hostler was seriously bad.

by Yakuza Rich (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:39pm

Jammal Anderson may be All-World next year. Mike Zimmer could've sapped the pass rush skills out of a D-Line of Reggie White, Bruce Smith, Joe Klecko, and Leroy Selmon.

by Otis Taylor 89 (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:46pm

Cedric Benson? Paging Cedric Benson? Gotta have two RBs and everyone who was saddled with him in FF knows he was a Katrina.

#34- Vinatieri is hurt every third year during the season and that was one reason the Pats didn't resign him.

And what about Julius Peppers!?!? Has any All-Pro had a worse year in a contract year?

by Torn (not verified) :: Wed, 01/16/2008 - 9:58pm

I'd almost want to recomend Javon Walker for a WR spot on the KCW team.

by saneiac (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:28am

45: But even so…Cam HAD to be the coach instead of Petrino. Leaving in the middle of the night Irsay-style is one thing. Being fired after just one season because you made the coaches before you who had to deal with the same lack of talent look like geniuses is a whole different plane of ineptness altogether.

Except that isn't entirely accurate. Cam was fired partly because of the 1-15 record, but also because Parcells wanted a Parcells guy as head coach. Even if Cam had managed to go 7-9, a losing record but an improvement from 2006, he still would've been fired.

by Nathan (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:29am

RE: 49

Too soon. I was so happy reading through a good comment thread (for what seems to be the first time in a long time on here), and you had to ruin it.

by Bobman (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 2:11am

49 Good call on Peppers. There were no doubt worse performances, but in line with the Vinatieri slot, the dropoff from expectations to reality was monstrous.

Maybe he can sent his DROY to the more deserving Freeney and we'll call it even. Jeez, can I hold a grudge or what? I'm still mad at Brett "Vicodin" Favre for beating out Harbaugh for MVP 12 years ago. I gotta get a life.

by Snowglare (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 5:11am

The only team Vick should ever be on again.

Hole in the Zone vs. Jason David jokes will never get old.

That SignonSanDiego page will be useful; I've been looking for a good athletes behaving badly page since cracksmoker.com disappeared.

by iapetus (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 8:39am

Matt Jones seems to have made some improvement in recent games, in that he finally seems to have recovered slightly from his allergy to contact and has been seen to fight for the ball and look for extra yards after the catch rather than curling up in a little ball if there are any defenders within fifty yards. Can't help wondering whether his DVOA reflects that...

by andrew (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 9:05am

Troy Williamson deserves a spot somewhere, though I'll admit the receivers ahead of him are worthy as well.

by Levi Jones (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 10:08am

Joey Porter had his gang to 'assist in that fight. Nobody ever mentions this. If I had any friends, I would have kicked his tail!

How come none of my teammates made this list. We were pretty lousy.

by AmbiantDonkey (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 11:38am

Archuleta has to make the team. For evidence I'll submit the first Vikings game. Watch how Adam is nowhere to be found on Troy Williamson's annual catch, marvel as Purple Jesus makes him miss on every long run.

by Andrew (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:10pm

Why not Matt McCoy instead of Cato June for OLB?

by The Original Sam (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:33pm


Yeah, well he did the same thing at the tale end of his rookie and sophomore seasons, too. He's poised for a breakout season EVERY offseason. Time for someone else to fall for it.

by Joe T. (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:43pm

58 - did Arch make it last year? The Skins rotated in journeyman strong safeties who played more effectively.

by lobolafcadio (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:45pm

Problem is Wilford is a UFA this off-season, so what will the Jags do ? Let Jones play the end of his contract and hope he has this breakout year or let him go and keep Ernest ?
In any case, I hope Walker is just as good as advertised.

by Kwame Flaherty (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 12:46pm

Vilma was bad but I think the Jets KCW MVP has to be Justin McCareins. I think he had more drops than catches this season

by zlionsfan (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 1:51pm

Holy cow. One NFC North player. No Lions.

And not only that, but an ex-Lion made the team. Hey, what do you know, for the vast majority of players, return success doesn't seem to be consistent from season to season.

Props to Matt Millen for creating a 7-9 team that's really not worth mentioning anywhere.

by Biebs (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 6:28pm

Maybe it's because I'm a Jets fan and I'm biased, but I didn't think revis was particularly bad.
Especially in teh 2nd half it seemed like he held his own against TO (thouhg it was a blowout), Braylon Edwards (though he did get beat on a TD), and Randy Moss (though Brady was forcing the ball to him all the time in "bad weather")

Also, considering how bad the Jets DL was (save for one bizarre game against the Steelers where they racked up 7 of the 29 Sacks they had all season). It seems he did a good job on an island.

Am I wrong?

by fiddycentbeer (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 7:26pm

It's absurd to list Joey Porter because Randy Mueller, who has been fired, overpaid for his services.

Porter was 2nd on his team in tackles, 2nd in sacks and 1st in TFL. He had a couple of INT and a few passes defensed. When the Fins faced his old team on the Heinz quagmire, Porter was very clearly the best LB on the field.

Citing Porter's sack numbers is foolish. That is because, mainly, Porter was a 43 SAM last season. That's not a premiere rush position. However, when the Fins faced the Pats in December, Porter was one of 3 down (prefacing Tanier's blueprint). Porter did have 2 sacks that day, not that it mattered.

If someone has to get bent, bend Mueller, or maybe Kevin Colbert, Steeler GM. Last winter, Colbert moved out Porter because they didn't want to pay him 5M for 2007. The guy they kept, Clark Haggans, was worth 3.7 cap-wise. Haggans had fewer tackles, fewer sacks, fewer TFL, fewer PD and fewer INT than Porter. On a play for pay basis, HAggans in PITT was a far worse value than Porter in MIA.

The guy Colbert drafted as the ROLB of the future (Harrison to be a stopgap), Larry Timmons, had 13 T in 16 games this year. He's no longer in the picture at ROLB; now, he's a MACK-to-be. He's an ILB, which was obvious all along (6-0, 234# players haven't been 34 OLB since 1987, give or take). The ILB drafted either side of Timmons, Willis and Beason, had +170 and +140 T. Poz, who played all of 9 quarters, had 26. Harris, the 5th ILB, had +100.

Timmons isn't eligible for the KCW team cuz he's a rook, and not named Jamal Anderson. Haggans is;he's a vert and soon to be unemployed. However, the really rare bozos in this piece are upstairs.

by Marko (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 8:25pm

This team needs an owner. I nominate Arthur Blank, who provided us with Michael Vick, Bobby Petrino, and the front office and head coach search follies (starring Bill Parcells).

by Daniel (not verified) :: Thu, 01/17/2008 - 11:37pm

Hilarious comic.

Surprised to see now KCW love for the man you guys have dubbed "the human target."

Jacques Reeves, anyone?

by Sid (not verified) :: Fri, 01/18/2008 - 12:07am

I liked the parts about Hole in Zone and the Atari Bigby Fathead.

by Sid (not verified) :: Fri, 01/18/2008 - 12:22am

In terms of Jets:

Justin McCareins has an excellent case to be on this team. Revis actually had a decent season for a rookie corner. What rookie corners were better? Revis and David Harris were two of the only bright spots on the team.

by Wanker79 (not verified) :: Fri, 01/18/2008 - 5:50pm

Re: 33 “Hole in Zone” shirts, anyone? Maybe with Jason David’s number?

I think I just found my next jersey. Click my name.


by Wanker79 (not verified) :: Fri, 01/18/2008 - 5:55pm

Dammit, that url worked when I pasted it into a browser. Let's try that again, click my name.

by Ixtapaaaaa (not verified) :: Sat, 06/21/2008 - 3:42am

How the hell do you put Bigby on the list?!? 1st of all, he had 4 interceptions in December, and was a key player in Green Bays win over Seattle in the Divisional Playoff Game. 2nd of all, have you ever heard of run support? The Packers D is fine, you guy are the only people complaining about Bigby. And as for drawing penalties, have you ever seen the Packer's D? They play tight man coverage and draw a lot of penalties. Bigby fits in there perfectly, yet I don't see anyone complaining about Al Harrris or Charles Woodson.