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21 Nov 2008

The Week In Quotes: November 21, 2008

compiled by Mark Zajack


"You can get your first kiss from Oprah, or you can get your first kiss from Halle Berry. Oprah gave me the first kiss. This was Halle Berry right here."
-Cowboys tight end Martellus Bennett, comparing his first career touchdown late in a humiliating loss to the Rams to his leaping grab over Redskins safety Chris Horton, giving the Cowboys their first lead against the Redskins.(Dallas Morning News)


"That's just one of those things he does. He and the other guy who plays for the Jets."
-Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin, on quarterback Tony Romo's impromtptu shovel pass against the Skins.

"I missed playing ball."
-Romo's post-game comments as he walked around the locker room carrying an iPod boom box that was blaring Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle," wearing a flat cap and a linen suit. (ESPN.com)


"They were who we thought they were!"
-Cardinals defensive end Bertrand Berry channeling Denny, upon taking care of the Seahawks. (East Valley Tribune)


"I made a joke. The two oldest guys are having a race out there, and Kevin won it."
-Bucs defensive tackle Chris Hovan, commenting on a play in which the 37-year-old Vikings quarterback Gus Frerotte was flushed from the pocket and lost a footrace to 35-year-old defensive end Kevin Carter. (St. Petersburg Times)


"We can meet on the 50-yard line and we can go at it."
-Jags wide receiver and former Viking Troy Williamson, on his desire to "duke it out" with Vikings head coach .

"Do you need my reach? I'm not like a woman; I'll give you my weight. It's 190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin', stompin' dynamite."
-Vikings head coach Brad Childress, when asked for his height and weight on a conference call in response to Williamson thinking he had a few inches and pounds on his old coach.

"Coach Childress is a tough-minded guy. And he has a badass mustache. I put my money on whoever has a kickass mustache."
-Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, liking Chilly's chances. (Associated Press)


"We got screwed every way possible."
-49ers offensive coordinator Mike Martz, offered this gem in criticism of the officiating, describing the chaotic ending to the Nov. 10 game against the Arizona Cardinals. Martz has been fined $20,000 for his comments. (ESPN.com)


"We played them up there last year and they were up by 21 and they was running run plays with a minute left. They could've kneed the ball. We couldn't win the game. They was up by 21."
-Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter, on playing the Pats in week 14 last season.

"They were up, and I'm looking at [Tom] Brady, thinking he's going to take a knee. We don't have no timeouts or nothing. But they continued to run the ball."

"Yeah, I got a long memory. Why wouldn't you remember that?"

"I was mad at my son's pee-wee game the other day. They was losing 27-0, and there was two minutes left. They had the twos [second stringers] in the game and we was trying to stop them. They got to fourth down, and [the opposing coach] brought back in the ones and they break a touchdown. I mean, these are kids, 33-0."

"What was the point of scoring the extra touchdown for? This was the Super Bowl game. You already won. The kids is already crying. Why would you do that?"

"Seriously, I went up to the coach. I was pissed off. I just wanted to understand "What is the point? You just won. What's the difference in 27-0 or 33-0?" Seven- and eight-year-olds. He just said 'That's life.' That's a reminder to let you know how people think. So you can't never let your guard down, even in pee-wee football."
-Porter. (ESPN.com)


"Does a bear [defecate] in the woods and clean himself with a white rabbit?"
-Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, when asked if he had confidence in Derrick Ward and Ahmad Bradshaw if he couldn’t play on Sunday. (Inside Football)


"It’s still us against the world. There’s just not as many people on the world side."
-Giants center Shaun O’Hara, on how the Giants could maintain an us-against-them attitude in the face of so much praise and success. (New York Times)


"Go root for Buffalo-f#@* you-"
-Browns general manager Phil Savage, with a witty email response to a critical Browns fan. (Deadspin.com)


"I think 100 percent of everybody in the league knows now. So I'm kind of a trend-setter."
-Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, educating the masses. (Pottstown Mercury)

You got quotes? Send them to us at quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com.

Posted by: Mark Zajack on 21 Nov 2008

37 comments, Last at 24 Nov 2008, 4:30am by MC2


by MJK :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 12:50pm

Shaun O'Hara wins this week. But I don't understand Jacobs' comment at all. Think it's bizzare and funny, yes. Understand, no.

Not to stroke old wounds, but I'm not entirely sure what Joey Porter is talking about. I just looked up the old play-by-plays. The Patriots beat the Dolphins twice last year, both times by 21 points. Porter is right that the Patriots were running "plays" (if you can call them that) rather than kneeling, but he leaves out that MIAMI was calling timeouts. If the game is a foregone conclusion, how can you expect that the other team should just end things if your own team is doing its best to not end things? In the first game, for their final drive (with almost 4 minutes left, not 1 minute left) New England had Matt Gutierrez (not Brady) handing off to Kyle Eckel, who was plunging into the line. There was one pass, but it was only after MIAMI called a timeout to stop the clock and New England wanted to convert TO END THE GAME. In the second game, Brady was in initially (when there were 2:00+ minutes left), but the Pats were just running into the line, and after the 2:00 warning, Gutierrez came in and they continued to run into the line. MIAMI continued to call timeouts.

by Sensitive Artist (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:10pm

I don't understand Jacobs' comment at all.

He's conflating two things, the rhetorical question "does a bear shit in the woods?" and an old joke about a bear shitting in the woods that goes something like:

A bear and a rabbit are each defecating in the woods. The bear asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no.
So the bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with him.

by Bobman :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 5:07pm

Thanks, I had forgotten that joke years ago. I now appreciate Jacobs more.

by James-London :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:13pm

The Jacobs comment is a voice-over from a Tupac Shakur track, "Whatz ur phone?"

Disappointed in the lack of Herm this week.

Phil Simms is a Cretin.

by dryheat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 12:51pm

Somebody needs to work with Porter on his subject/verb agreements. Tanier, you know anybody?

by sigh (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:25pm

No one needs to work with Porter on his subject-verb agreement (no plural necessary, by the way).

It's a common trait of Black American English. Get over it.

by dryheat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:38pm

I refuse to believe that African-Americans should be held to a lesser standard than anybody else when it comes to using English properly. "They was" is incorrect grammar regardless of one's color. I've never heard of a language called "Black American English" or anything similar.

The African-American community feels more strongly about this than anybody else.

by dryheat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:42pm

Since one man cannot speak for an entire community, I will retract that last sentance. What I will say is that within my circle of acquaintances, the African-American individuals feel more strongly about this than the non-black individuals.

by double sigh (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:46pm

There is Black American English. It is a dialect of English. He is speaking grammatically. It's not a lesser standard. Don't be silly. Subjunctives are also used differently (he be late) and with perfectly valid and meaningful reason, not to mention the ability to drop copula (he late), also with valid and meaningful reason. Native speakers of a dialect don't make grammatical errors like that. Just doesn't happen.

If he were to decide to be a newscaster or something, then he'd probably be required to adhere grammatically to Standard American English as closely as possible. Giving you reason, then, to start criticizing his grammar. (Go see Mike Florio's constant whining about Emmitt Smith, for example). Giving a casual interview, however, he can speak however he pleases, I'd say.

by roguerouge :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:14pm

So, this is analogous to Cockney, for you?

by Unverified Telamon (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:45pm

There's a My Fair Lady joke here, but I'm not clever enough to find it. Joey Porter singing about the Rain in Spain is a pretty hilarious mental image, though.

by RickD :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:34pm

If he's giving an interview, is he
a) speaking to other "Black Americans" only?
b) speaking to Americans at large?

Is the persistence of dialects a good thing that should be encouraged, or a divisive thing that should be discouraged?

by Bywater Brat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 4:03pm

So would speaking correctly not be accepted...in order for it to be a dialect (at least to me- think Argentina Spanish, French-Canadian English) it still has to have rules. The bastards are embarassingly undereducated (albeit, maybe not their fault) and that speaks volume of our society as a whole.
Your complacent acceptance of such behavior does more to prevent their advancement than my verbalizing any of the truly horrendous things that go through my mind when I hear an American speak like that.

by White Rose Duelist :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 5:25pm

Otherwise excellent point undermined by using a derogatory term towards the individuals you're discussing.

by Harris :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 4:41pm

Um, ha-ha. No. You can keep that "soft bigotry of low expectations" crap to your damn self.
Or should I say, "Yo' homey. You keep dat Ebonics bullshit to yo damn sef."

"A little celery is always nice after a good pee."

by Malene (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:13pm

Would that be "colour"?

Seriously, to discuss whether one ridiculously young dialect of a language is more correct than another ridiculously young dialect is beyond absurd to the rest of the World.

by RickD :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:17pm

"It's a common trait of Black American English. Get over it."

I know plenty of black Americans that can conjugate verbs.

by Tundrapat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 4:35pm


I wish I knew plenty of black Americans. My token friend is lonely.

So...are we all done hijacking a football website for a discussion on grammar now?

by double sigh (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 5:46pm

The problem you have lies in some strange notion that in order for language to be "correct" verbs must be conjugated according to your understanding of "good English."

Which is almost certainly not a very good understanding, from the perspective of the study of linguistics.

I know this has not much to do with football, but I find it very commonplace on message boards for people armed with mere opinions, and misguided/uninformed ones at that, to say very rude things about football players based on the way they speak, so it is germane-ish.

There are more speakers of non-standard English dialects than there are speakers of the standard American and British ones, not only because of regional dialects but because it is a lingua franca, and there are more non-native speakers of English in the world than native speakers of English.

by roguerouge :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 7:46pm

Take a look at this:

"Tense Present: Democracy, English, and the Wars over Usage"
Author: David Foster Wallace

Basically, it's an excellent essay on whether language is guided by rules or by common use or by both or by varying proportions of both. Read it and enjoy...

by old :: Sat, 11/22/2008 - 12:57pm

Well said!

Did Porter not get his point of view across to all you chaps who specialize in the King's English?

On football, I wrote Porter off after his last season with the Steelers, but he has surprised me this season. I hope to watch him crash into that Tom Brady impersonater the Patriots play at QB. Should be an interesting game with the tie-breaker implications.

by Bywater Brat (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:58pm

Emmitt speak goodest the all time tv since forever beginning

by MC2 :: Mon, 11/24/2008 - 4:30am

Wow. There's a lot of pretentious nitpicking going on in this thread. I dislike Porter as much as anyone, but cut the guy some slack. He's not writing a freaking essay or anything. The fact is that different groups speak in different ways, in terms of both grammar and pronunciation. It's not limited to blacks. For example, the small southern town where I grew up was 95% white, but it was not uncommon to hear people say things like, "We wuz just mindin' our own bizness. We wad'n botherin' nobody."

Double negatives are common throughout the South, as are slang terms like "ain't" and "y'all". People rarely pronounce the "g" at the end of words that end in "ing". These types of things are not limited to the South, however. For example, I have known many people from up North (Yankees, to use the local term) and they certainly commit their fair share of grammatical gaffes. To give just two examples, I don't believe "yous guys" is standard English, nor is pronouncing "the" as "da".

Some of these things are not limited to one geographical area. For example, people from South Georgia and those from the Boston area share a common trait: their refusal to recognize the existence of the letter "r". Just ask former President Jimmy Cottah, or anyone who's ever gone to school at Havad. Does the refusal to use standard, dictionary-correct pronunciation make these people a bunch of uneducated fools, or is it only football players who are held to such high standards?

by Key19 :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:05pm

Porter has his own personal bulletin board filled with things that may or may not be true. They are facts to him though.

The story about the Pee-Wee coach is still very funny though.

by Independent George :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:29pm

Somewhere, there exists an alternate universe where Joey Porter and John Randle are on the same team coached by Buddy Ryan. I wish to live in that universe.

by DrewTS (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:14pm

I wouldn't antagonize Joey Porter just for the sake of running up the score in a pee-wee football game. Of course, I don't understand the purpose of running up the score in pee-wee football at all.

by White Rose Duelist :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:15pm

Where's Marinelli and his QB recruitment speech?

by DangerGnat :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:05pm

Dude, this is the WEAK in quotes. How about something from Goodell on reinstating Pac Man? After he said this was his only, final, last, I really mean it this time, chance.

by MCS :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:21pm

For those that criticize the compilation, kingly refer to the end of the article where it says, "You got quotes? Send them to us at quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com."

by Hank (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 5:03pm

A fantastic week, "Do you need my reach? I'm not like a woman" is going to be a personal favorite.

And imagine some peewee coach telling an incensed joey porter after running up the score, "that's life"

by mawbrew :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 5:39pm

I've read several stories on the Savage email exchange and I'll be darned if I can figure out if he really typed the f word or if he typed f and three symbols. Anybody know for sure?

by Aten (not verified) :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 6:35pm

Symbols, specifically f@#*.

by CathyW :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 6:46pm

I don't know, I think this was an awesome week for quotes. The Chilly quote alone is, I think, a contender for Quote of the Year: "It's 190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin', stompin' dynamite" is pretty damn funny, especially considering who said it.

And the Joey Porter story is hilarious.

by panthersnbraves :: Fri, 11/21/2008 - 7:16pm

Stats of the Week No. 7: The AFC East and NFC East have no teams with a losing record; the NFC North has no team with a winning record.

The NFC South has no teams with a losing record. Another case of anti-NFCS bias.

by m0nty (not verified) :: Sat, 11/22/2008 - 2:32am

I think this is the best collection of quotes I've seen in this column yet. Perhaps the lack of Herm had something to do with it.

by TDR (not verified) :: Sat, 11/22/2008 - 12:44pm

I think Steve Martin said it best when refering to the english language:
"Some people have a way with words and some people...oh...not have way"

by Never Surrender (not verified) :: Sun, 11/23/2008 - 9:30pm

I must pass on my personal thanks to FO for finally taking 'The Week in Herm' out back and putting a bullet in its skull. I breathed a sigh of relief upon reaching the end of this article without having to read something like "We're obviously not playing well" - Herm on his team's troubles.