compiled by Rory Hickey

IF HE DID HAVE GOUT, HE WOULD NEED TO WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES. MIGHT I SUGGEST CROCS?

"It will be right up to then. You never know coming back, [he] took a few more turns today. I can't look into a crystal ball and see how he wakes up tomorrow. He could wake up with the gout tomorrow morning."

-- Vikings coach Brad Childress saying that quarterback Brett Favre is a game-time decision for Sunday's game against the Cowboys (Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

4-12 COULD CONCEIVABLY WIN THE NFC WEST

"We're going to win the division."

-- 49ers owner and president Jed York boldly predicting that his team, currently 0-5, will win the NFC West. That has never been done in NFL history (ESPN)

YEAH, THERE'S NO FURTHER EXPLANATION NECESSARY

"I'm in my fifth year in the NFL. I'm a Super Bowl MVP. I have not been to the table to take any money from anybody from any team, and I asked to take money from a guy I didn't even know? Seriously? It's self-explanatory."

-- Jets wide receiver Santonio Holmes responding to a recent Sports Illustrated article that contends he admitted to taking money from an agent while in college (ESPN New York)

JERRY JONES MUST THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS

"We've got a lot of good players. If we had any coaching at all we'd be in good shape."

-- Cowboys coach Wade Phillips' tongue in cheek reply when asked about his team's talented class of rookies (Dallas Morning News)

CHAN GAILEY LAUGHED OUT LOUD WHEN HE SAW THIS

"I think Auburn's gonna win this game, but they're going to have to outscore Kentucky."

-- ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit laying out his key to an Auburn victory over Kentucky on College Gameday (Awful Announcing)

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY? I ALWAYS THOUGHT PIGEONS ... UH GAVE BIRTH, AND I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY

Im totally pisstified here at the veterinary and this damn pigeon just laid 2 eggs,i thought she was giving birth, WTF,they better hatch now


Why didn't y'all tell me pigeons laid eggs,damit i was so excited, i should've went to class in highscool because i feel stupid right now :(

-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco on his Twitter account lamenting the fact that his pet pigeon laid eggs instead of giving birth as he was expecting (Miami New Times)

ABE LINCOLN WOULD BE AMPED FOR THIS GAME

"This is definitely a two-chinstrap kind of game. When you play the Steelers, when you play the Titans you have those games. This is amped up even more because it's Monday night. Don't come out there with one chinstrap."

-- Jaguars quarterback David Garrard on the type of hitting expected in the team's Monday night matchup against division-rival Tennessee (WDEF News)

CLAY BENNETT USED THE SAME LOGIC AS RATIONALE FOR MOVING THE SONICS

"If we start winning games again, maybe we'll get on TV again, maybe we'll get a Sunday night game one of these days, it's been a long time. I'm not even going to ask for a Monday Night game."

"I think a lot of times when things get reported [nationally] on the Seahawks in Seattle are sort of a little off-base. We're very far away from the rest of the world. When we get a day off, a lot of our guys go to Vancouver, British Columbia. In the offseason, a lot of guys hit up Alaska. I mean, we're pretty far off."

-- Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck joking about the anonymity of playing in Seattle (Boston Herald)

OH NO HE DIDN'T!

"You make a comment and see a team from [afar]. I can relate to him. It's probably how he felt when his players let Darren Sproles return a punt and a kick for a touchdown here on a Sunday night game or when Peyton [Manning] threw six interceptions against us. I understand we have work to do. It's like any head coach would feel after a game like that."

-- Chargers coach Norv Turner when asked about comments by former Colts coach Tony Dungy, in which Dungy said that Turner bore some blame for the Chargers on-field blunders (San Diego Union-Tribune)

AT LEAST HE'S NO LONGER JABBA THE HUT

"I've handled the distractions, and my stock is escalating. I've got a master Jedi in a coach, and I'm a young Luke Skywalker. Russ Grimm is Master Yoda, and I will be a Jedi. I will be a Jedi knight one day, and I will get light saber."

-- Cardinals right guard Deuce Lutui on getting past his issues with his weight (The Arizona Republic)

Send a quote to Football Outsiders or this will happen to you.

Posted by: Rory Hickey on 16 Oct 2010

9 comments, Last at 18 Oct 2010, 10:23am by Led