Russell Wilson Leads 2022 NFL All-Narrative Team

NFL Week 16 - The course of the 2022 NFL season was defined by Justin Jefferson, Patrick Mahomes, Micah Parsons, Jalen Hurts, Tyreek Hill, Sauce Gardner, Ja'Marr Chase, and Brian Daboll, among many others. But the story of the 2022 season would not quite have been as entertaining without Josh Jacobs, Penei Sewell, Kyle Pitts, Brian Burns, Nathaniel Hackett, and the other honorees for this year's Walkthrough All-Narrative Team.

That's right, Football Outsiders reader, Walkthrough knows that you come to this analytics-fueled, objectivity-seeking website so you can wade genitalia-deep into silly controversies, injury mysteries, Twitter beefs, fantasy heartaches, and season-long will-he-or-won't-he speculation about attention-starved wide redivas. Walkthrough has heard your pleas and assembled an all-star team out of players who contributed more to the season-long NFL soap opera than the playoff picture.

Sit back with some eggnog, enjoy, and remember: if you get offended by a selection, that just adds to the narrative.

QB: Russell Wilson, Denver Broncos

We probably should have realized something was amiss when a video of Wilson practicing imaginary high-fives went viral. Wilson's drippy famebrain tendencies were kept under wraps in Seattle, where everyone was used to his shtick. Once freed from its cocoon, Wilson's ego went full gypsy moth and began devouring the ecosystem around him.

Wilson's Most Boring Man at Burning Man routine provided endless B-plots, from a summer of semi-serious Super Bowl speculation to his early struggles to tales of calling Seahawks plays in the Broncos huddle to television's effort to flex him OUT of prime time, culminating with his Week 15 kinda-sorta benching. Meanwhile, Geno Smith and the Seahawks upset Russ' Broncos in the season opener and didn't need visualization exercises to see what success looked like throughout the autumn.

Was the Wilson trade the worst in NFL history? Let's see what Act II brings in 2023 before rushing to judgment. But the Wilson trade definitely tripped the circuit breaker on "Win Now" or "Just a QB Away" tactics and offered us a hilarious glimpse at what sometimes lurks behind a franchise quarterback's carefully crafted warrior-prince facade.

RB: Josh Jacobs, Las Vegas Raiders

Josh McDaniels was so skeptical of Jacobs that he made the veteran featured back carry the ball five times in the Hall of Fame Game. Jacobs' fantasy stock plummeted, but he worked his way onto McDaniels' nice list and went on two separate tears: a three-game, 441-yard, six-touchdown stretch in October and a four-game, 581-yard, four-touchdown streak just in time for the fantasy playoffs.

Quad and pinkie injuries kept fantasy experts cautious, while McDaniels limited Jacobs' real-football impact by coughing up late-game leads like a fraternity pledge coughing up jungle juice.

Jacobs is about to enter free agency. Talk show personalities will wonder straight-facedly why he isn't getting Ezekiel Elliott-sized offers, the analytics community will roll our eyes, and fantasy gurus will eventually write 10,000-word dissertations about what Jacobs' new $60-million contract means for Travis Etienne.

RB: Brian Robinson, Washington Commanders

Robinson returned to the Commanders lineup one month after getting shot as a bystander to an armed robbery in August. That's inspiring!

The Commanders used Robinson's shooting as ammunition against the Washington attorney general who is pursuing charges against Dan Snyder. That's absolutely disgusting!

Robinson eventually became the Commanders' workhorse in victories over the Packers, Eagles, and other opponents, pushing the team into wild-card contention. That was random!

In summary, that's a whole lot of narrative for a third-round committee back. And that's what this all-narrative team is about.

WR: Odell Beckham Jr.

Brooding atop the Rock of Eternity, nursing an ACL injury with an unclear recovery timetable, Beckham and his ever-changing List of Worthy Employers became a barometer of each team's Super Bowl chances. Or, in the case of the Bills, a literal barometer, predicting that Beckham had little interest in getting buried in mid-autumn snow.

By mid-December, Beckham and his dwindling suitors were expressing mutual ambivalence: it was clear that OBJ wasn't healthy enough to play during the playoff stretch but that he expected to be paid like he was. Beckham will likely end up with the Cowboys, just in time to make their postseason pratfall all the more satisfying.

Beckham's headlines-to-production ratio was stratospheric when he was playing well. It's now tumbling toward the Johnny Manziel Event Horizon.

WR: Christian Watson and Romeo Doubs, Green Bay Packers

Watson was a Senior Bowl standout turned second-round consolation prize for Aaron Rodgers. Doubs was a training camp sensation. Both rookies started the season as oft-injured, pass-dropping rocket fuel for Rodgers' diastolic. But Watson is now a legitimate Offensive Rookie of the Year candidate, and this dynamic duo may be the Packers' last, best hope for keeping Rodgers happy (by his standards) and in the fold for 2023. Is that a good thing? It doesn't matter, because it's certainly a NARRATIVE thing. (Honorable mention: Allen Robinson, Los Angeles Rams.)

TE: Kyle Pitts, Atlanta Falcons

First he wasn't getting enough snaps. Then he wasn't getting enough targets. Then he wasn't getting enough catches despite plenty of targets. Then he was out for the year. Pitts' fantasy value was astronomically higher than his on-field value for a Falcons team that wouldn't have been relevant with healthy/peak Gronk at tight end. He was also one of the few Falcons players a casual fan could name, placing him at the center of any team-related discussion.

Get ready to hear about what Pitts and Desmond Ridder could do together throughout the offseason, then for the Falcons to once again disappear into ignored early-game telecasts come September.

LT: Trent Williams, San Francisco 49ers

OMG, Williams is tipping his plays with his stance! Some thirsty wannabe film grinder on Twitter spotted it! Williams aligns with one foot offset from the other when he's preparing to pass protect! It's a foolproof method of determining whether the 49ers will run or pass...

... unless it's a draw play or delay, when Williams is supposed to look like he's ready to pass block. Or play-action, for the opposite reason. Or an RPO. And of course, "tipping run or pass" is rather silly on third-and-long, etc.

Hmmm, perhaps the entire football world shouldn't react to some rando's "observation" about a veteran Pro Bowler's technique, right down to making ourselves look silly by asking Williams about it during press conferences.

Oops. Too late.

G: Quenton Nelson, Indianapolis Colts

Apparently, being the greatest NFL guard since Larry Allen doesn't instantly make the other four linemen awesome. Who knew?

ESPN's Seth Walder worries that Nelson is on the decline. Walkthrough worries that even the best analytics aren't equipped to evaluate a guard who is coached by a novice, aligned between a rookie and a fading journeyman, and blocking for a lamppost and Scrambly the Squirrel.

C: Jason Kelce, Philadelphia Eagles

A likely Pro Football Hall of Famer for an outstanding team, Kelce earns All-Narrative status simply by being just about the only attention-seeking center in the NFL. Enjoy Fat Batman:

Jason Kelce with the Batman mask on, This is very cool to see

Mike Quick on WIP saying "That is Fat Batman"#FlyEaglesFly #PITvsPHI pic.twitter.com/Q6ubiLWCee

— David Malandra Jr (@DaveMReports) October 30, 2022

G: Cole Strange, New England Patriots

The much criticized 29th overall pick looked solid early in the season but began to fall apart when center David Andrews got hurt. Strange could develop into a very sturdy guard. The Patriots are about six years past the era when they had the luxury of using first-round picks on players who might become very sturdy guards

RT: Penei Sewell, Detroit Lions

Is the Lions offensive line really all that good? (Hell yes.) But the metrics say it isn't all that good. (Offensive line metrics remain a work in progress.) Maybe we should revisit the Sewell-vs.-Ja'Marr Chase decision. (Maybe you should eat a box of thumbtacks.) Do we even need a right tackle on the All-Narrative team? Right tackles rarely make news. Maybe stick Terron Armstead here and…

No. 58 reports as an eligible receiver. No. 58 is an eligible receiver.@peneisewell58 #ProBowlVote pic.twitter.com/DiihvbkkeS

— Detroit Lions (@Lions) December 11, 2022

Large man do skinny-man things. Ooooooooohhhhhhhh.

Honorable Mention: The Cincinnati Bengals Offensive Line

First they stunk because they never played together in the preseason. Then they were pretty good. Then we stopped talking about them.

ER: Myles Garrett, Cleveland Browns

Garrett called out Browns fans for booing at the end of the Jets loss. He kinda-sorta called out Joe Woods and the Browns defensive staff for getting out-coached by Mike McDaniel's Dolphins. He called out defensive teammates for playing too hesitantly. He also decorated his house for Halloween with the battered skeletons of the quarterbacks he sacked and promised to put college teammate Kyle Allen in his "graveyard" when the Browns faced the Texans. Oh, and Garrett has notched 13.5 sacks for a defense with a pudding-filled center.

Garrett is tasked with being the Browns' public face because their quarterback is a disgusting human whose public appearances must be carefully scripted for everyone's safety. The All-Pro edge rusher keeps things entertaining in a variety of ways. Most of the time, that's more than can be said about his team. (Hat tip to Randy Gurzi of Fansided for his Garrett reporting throughout the season.)

ER: Brian Burns, Carolina Panthers

Some Panthers fans wanted to see one of the team's brightest young stars traded away at the deadline for first-round picks in 2024 and (shudder) 2025. Because nothing says "emotionally healthy fan experience" like delaying all gratification for two-and-a-half years. Might as well just comb the local high schools looking for names to add to that custom long-range draft simulator!

Anyway, the Panthers and Burns had other plans: remaining competitive, slipping back into the bottom of the playoff picture, making Charlotte an appealing destination for future head coaches and free agents, and turning a five-year rebuilding cycle into what could be a one-year turnaround.

DT: Linval Joseph and Ndamukong Suh, Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles run defense was so horrendous that they let the Commanders rush for 153 yards against them!

Wait a minute: the Commanders only averaged 3.1 yards per carry in that upset. The Eagles lost that game because of offensive three-and-outs, turnovers, and a wonky call or two.

Yes, but the Eagles run defense was so pathetic that the Texans rushed for 168 yards against them and the Steelers rushed for 144 yards!

Eh, the Steelers ran for 93 yards in the second half after the Eagles took a 28-10 lead. The Eagles did give up a few gash plays to Dameon Pierce, but it sure looked like their game plan was to sit back and wait for Davis Mills to make mistakes.

Look, the Eagles run defense was a relative weakness. Then they signed Suh and Joseph. And now their run defense is unbelievably awesome!

You know the Giants rushed for 123 yards with Saquon Barkley banged up in Week 14, right?

Go away you poop-stirrer.

LB: Tremaine Edmunds, Buffalo Bills

Some Bills fans harbor an irrational hatred of Edmunds. Per Walkthrough's friends in the Buffalo media, Edmunds is the designated "first-round pick who never lived up to his hype" that every fanbase obsesses over, and every missed tackle or reception he allowed early in the season became evidence that he alone stood between the Bills and the Super Bowl.

Anyway, Edmunds got hurt, and suddenly the Bills had trouble stopping the Vikings, Browns, or Lions. Edmunds returned, and presto! The Bills could shut down the Jets and Patriots. So the two-time Pro Bowl starter on one of the league's best defenses is good, actually.

LB: Roquan Smith, Baltimore Ravens

Smith held out for much of Bears training camp in search of a contract extension. He returned to the field in late August to play out the final year of his rookie deal, but the Bears eventually traded Smith to the Ravens for second- and fifth-round draft picks.

Smith later told friend-of-Walkthrough Dan Pompei of The Athletic that Ryan Poles vowed "numerous times" not to trade him, as the Bears general manager planned to build his offense around Justin Fields and his defense around Smith.

Are you listening, Justin Fields?

Anyway, Smith has helped keep the Ravens in the playoff chase through injuries to Lamar Jackson and others on offense. As for the Bears, to paraphrase Peter Griffin: that second-round pick could be anything, even a Pro Bowl-caliber linebacker!

CB: Tre'Davious White, Buffalo Bills

Bills fans hoped White would be back from his 2021 ACL injury in time for the season opener. When that didn't happen, it touched off weeks of frustration and speculation. White was taken off the IR, then returned to practice, then spent a few weeks as a healthy scratch before slowly getting phased back into the lineup as a rotational player.

As Rachel Arberger of SBNation wrote last month (in this extensive White timeline), White was likely clearing some mental hurdles in addition to some physical ones. But Bills fans who weren't privy to the inside scoop spent weeks wondering if White was off on some island playing 1-on-1 with Michael Thomas.

CB: Jeff Okudah, Detroit Lions

Okudah appeared destined to go down as the epic draft bust of the Matt Patricia administration. But Dan Campbell, Aaron Glenn, and the Lions staff were patient with the former Ohio State star through 2021 injuries and preseason ups and downs. The Lions are now a pretty good team, which means Okudah is awesome! Er, no, he's not really awesome. So he stinks and got benched/released/signed-and-cut by the Raiders? No, that didn't happen either. He's a mid-tier starter. But he's the only veteran Lions defender many folks can even name, so this is the perfect place for him.

CB: Jalen Ramsey. Los Angeles Rams

Ramsey carries the banner for the Rams, who spent the offseason in "F*ck 'em Picks" mode, entered the season looking like contenders, and collapsed almost immediately into an undermanned, injury-plagued heap of expensive doubts.

Ramsey is still playing well despite being placed in some impossible situations. He's also still cantankerous and capable of turning lukewarm news (the Baker Mayfield signing) into an awkward moment around the dinner table. Ramsey is scheduled to cost the Rams over $25 million in salary and bonuses next year. That's a lot of money for a guy who won't be able to prevent the team's freefall and would probably push everyone out of the way to claim the first parachute.

S: Justin Reid, Kansas City Chiefs

Reid claimed to not know the names of the Cincinnati receivers entering the Chiefs-Bengals matchup, getting Tee Higgins and Hayden Hurst mixed up with Rams tight end Taylor Higbee. Ja'Marr Chase responded on Twitter, and we all enjoyed a fun UFC-style late-week trash-talk battle. Then the Bengals beat the Chiefs, Hurst got hurt but Higgins went HAM, and Reid claimed … victory?

Leave the post-defeat social media spin to professionals like Walkthrough, Less-Money Badger.

S: C.J. Gardner-Johnson, Philadelphia Eagles

The Saints traded Gardner-Johnson to the Eagles for some conditional late-round picks before the start of the regular season in what was TOTALLY NOT A COST-CUTTING MOVE according to Mickey Loomis fanboys. The Eagles moved him from slot corner to a more traditional free safety role, and Gardner-Johnson responded with All-Pro-level play before getting injured in Week 12. That injury was the plot twist that shifted CJGJ from the Pro Bowl roster to this one.

K: Greg Joseph, Minnesota Vikings

The ultimate 2022 Vikings contributor: Joseph sealed the Commanders, Saints, Bills, and Colts wins with last-minute or overtime field goals, yet he has also had a mediocre-at-best season: 2-of-7 from beyond 50 yards, five missed extra points.

It would be very on brand for the Vikings to get knocked out of the playoffs on a missed field goal, but chances are that they won't play well enough against a real opponent to give Joseph the chance.

P: Michael Dickson, Seattle Seahawks

Ryan Stonehouse remains on pace to set the single-season yards-per-punt record, and his moon launches have done almost as much to keep the Titans atop the AFC South standings as Trent Baalke or Chris Ballard have ever done. But Stonehouse is what the Pro Bowl is for. The All-Narrative Team is for a punter (and blocking unit) that provides special moments like this:

The Cardinals get the TD on special teams! #BirdCityFootball

📺: #AZvsSEA on FOX
📱: Stream on NFL+ https://t.co/a3LXZNCiZH pic.twitter.com/uPRo1OACMO

— NFL (@NFL) October 16, 2022

Return Specialist: Jalen Reagor, Minnesota Vikings

Eagles fans practically held a spontaneous Mummer's Parade when Bobbles McBacktrack here was released. Vikings fans thought their team scavenged a bargain as a return man and deep threat off the bench when their team pulled Reagor off the waiver wire. Silly Vikings fans. Reagor managed to squeeze three fumbles into limited playing time, and he could be spotted running incorrect routes and getting stuffed on end arounds against the Colts to set up the Vikings comeback. But it was his Joe Namath "guarantee" of a Week 14 victory over the Lions (oops) that cemented his place in this esteemed company.

Head Coach: Nathaniel Hackett, Denver Broncos

It takes a special kind of incompetence to break Urban Meyer's land speed record for losing the faith of an organization, its fanbase, and the greater NFL community. Hackett mismanaged the clock, blundered play calls, and looked on helplessly as Russell Wilson turned the offense into a Coachella drum circle that was just too stoned actualized to even keep a beat.

Hackett's smartest coaching move was loading his staff with assistants too inexperienced to replace him in-season. That will buy him another month before he's reabsorbed into the McVay-Shanahan Cinematic Coaching Universe as a bit character.

But hey, things might have worked out differently if Hackett had lured Aaron Rodgers away to Denver like many (including some within the organization) hoped he would. There's no chance Rodgers would have steamrolled an overmatched head coach and floated away to his own little pocket dimension.

Offensive Coordinator: Joe Lombardi, Los Angeles Chargers

A weak coordinator made weaker by the need for a villain in Justin Herbert's hero saga. Film grinders remain outraged at Lombardi for not throwing downfield more often. They're also outraged that Herbert must play each week behind an offensive line of two rookies and a rotating cast of backups. Could Lombardi's reluctance to call deep shots be related to the shaky status of the Chargers offensive line? It's best to not ask such questions.

Defensive Coordinator: Joe Barry, Green Bay Packers

Packers defensive coordinators are favorite Packers-fan punching bags: blaming Rodgers for anything feels dangerously like blaming a short-tempered dad, and blaming anyone else on offense makes them sound too much like Rodgers.

Barry is the Joe Lombardi of defense: he's not exactly a great idea factory, but it's hard to tell how much of his vanilla-bean scheme is the result of not having ideal personnel, especially with Rashan Gary and De'Vondre Campbell in and out of the lineup and rookies in some key roles. None of it matters, because Barry will be gone by season's end. At least he won't get blamed for costing the Packers a playoff game.

Executive: Chris Ballard, Indianapolis Colts

The Carson Wentz trade drove a wedge between Ballard, Jim Irsay, and Frank Reich. The Matt Ryan trade took a mallet to that wedge. Irsay chose Ballard over Reich (who learned the secrets of "quiet quitting" from Doug Pederson), but the Bodhisatva has finally figured out that his general manager has been procrastinating expensively at quarterback for four years.

Ballard is a clever personnel evaluator and frugal spender, but he doesn't believe in either Win Now mode or rebuilding, which has left the Colts sputtering along for years as also-rans in an easy-to-win division. As a result, Ballard may get the boot in the offseason. Let's just hope Irsay doesn't replace him with John Mellencamp.