compiled by Alex Carnevale
IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS
"Words are good but eventually there's action. Your life is about choices and consequences and you know there are consequences. I always tell players there are two ways you can take it. I'm a very patient man and that's fine but I'm also tolerant. When you get to the tolerance stage with me it's not very good, 'cause I'll tolerate you until I can replace you."
-- Chiefs coach Herman Edwards after his team's 30-27 victory over the San Diego Chargers.
"I didn't say anything to him. You leave kickers alone. But I trusted that at the end, when it was time to kick a field goal he was going to make it. He not only made one, he made two."
-- Edwards, the master of handling kickers
YOU NEED TO HAVE CHILDREN TO UNDERSTAND WHY I BROUGHT THIS GUY BACK
"Do you have kids? I have one who's grown up already and two little girls, and they're not old enough to make mistakes where they know any better. But when they do, hopefully, if they make two of them, I don't get rid of them."
-- Edwards, on bringing back right tackle John Welbourn, who twice tested positive for a banned substance. (Kansas City Star)
"I just think players make mistakes because they're human. When they do, you have to take a stand and say, 'What do you want to do with the guy?' Do you want to say that since you've made some mistakes in your life that you can't play on this team anymore?"
"All I know is this -- in life you make choices. You make choices, and there are consequences for your choices."
THAT'S NEVER MADE YOU GOOD BEFORE, HERM
"He's a good football player. You know what makes coaches good? Good players, last time I checked."
"He hurt the team; he hurt his reputation because of the accusations that came along. But no one knows what happened. Then you look at it and say he's done those things and he's paid a price for it, too, because everyone's talking about that player. So you have to make a decision as a coach."
"Did he work hard when he was here? Yeah. Is he a good football player? Yeah. Is he hard to handle? No, not hard to handle, comes to work every day on time, made a bad decision or two. So then you have to decide if you want him back. At this point, I want him back."
LAME. TOTALLY LAME.
"I was asked to change by the head man."
-- Chad Johnson, Bengals WR, on head coach Marvin Lewis telling him to cut out the touchdown celebrations. (ESPN.com)
"So therefore, what you see from me is what he wants -- just make your plays and go back to the huddle. So that's what I'm going to do. Going to be no more talking, no nothing. Just go out there and play, go home. If that's what it takes to make us a better team, so be it."
"Very lame, isn't it?"
I'M THE KIND OF GUY WHO COMES TO THE MEDIA SAYING, "I'M NOT THE KIND OF GUY WHO COMES TO THE MEDIA SAYING I'M NOT GETTING THE BALL"
"I'm not the kind of guy who comes to the media saying, 'I'm not getting the ball.' But yeah, it's been frustrating. But at the same time, they're going to start coming to me because they've got to. I've proved in the past that I can do it."
-- Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez, on his touches before a breakout game against the Chargers on Sunday.
"Don't for one minute think that because he's struggled for a couple of weeks that he isn't capable. As I said at the time, 'Our hope is that he doesn't all of a sudden have a breakout game against us' -- and that's exactly what happened. He did have a breakout game against us."
-- Chargers head coach Marty Schottenheimer, on Gonzalez.
â€œI just know what I can do. Everyone has an opinion. I learned that the hard way. I just work and work and work. I want to be the best at what I do. I don't play this game for money. I don't play for individual honors. I just want to be a member of a Super Bowl champion team and be a good kicker."
-- Chiefs kicker Lawrence Tynes
"HE HAD A GOOD DREAM. IT'S THE ONLY DREAM YOU CAN HAVEâ€”TO COME OUT THE NUMBER-ONE MAN."
"If you think getting angry will help, I'll get plenty angry in a heartbeat. I'm not sure that's going to help."
-- Dolphins head coach Nick Saban, on his team's absymal start.
''I say it's my fault, OK? Nobody else's fault, because if I said it's somebody else's fault, then I'm pointing the finger. I can't win this one, so it's my fault. You understand?''
-- Saban (Miami Herald)
"I'm ashamed to put a team out there that played like that. I apologize to the people who came out to watch that."
-- Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells, on his MNF loss to the New York Giants.
"Things can always change in football. I'm staying with Maurice right now."
-- Cleveland Browns head coach Romeo Crennel, on newly fired offensive coordinator Maurice Carthon last week.
YOU HAD A HORSE?!?
"I was raised in a humbling experience. My background says I've never rode the easy horse. I've always rode the bucking horse."
-- Denny Green, erstwhile Cardinals head coach.
"Yeah, why not? We're professionals. This is what we do for a living."
-- Cardinals WR Anquan Boldin, on his faith in the Cards coaching staff. (New Jersey Star-Ledger)
"He calls them all. I mean, our coordinator always calls plays. I've been a head coach for 21 yearsâ€¦my role is to try to handle the circumstances and situations of the game and make decisions on whether you go for it on fourth down, whether you kick a field goal, go for a block ... I don't call plays."
-- Cardinals head coach Dennis Green
A POSITIVE STEROIDS TEST IS LITERALLY ONE WORD AWAY FROM A NEGATIVE TEST, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. WOW. WOW.
"Wow! This whole thing that has happened has been a hard process. But I'm dealing with it... I'm not running from this situation. I'm not running from anybody. I'm going to be straight up and honest from and try to deal with it accordingly. Hopefully, nobody makes any kind of judgment or anything that makes me guilty for anything, because nothing has been done wrong on my part."
-- Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman, who tested positive for a banned substance he claims entered his body accidentally.
"I have no reason to do anything wrong, especially when I'm already in the spotlight and doing things and trying to present to people the right and wrong way to go about things. Obviously, this is a mistake that has to be dealt with correctly, and hopefully no judgment is made before anything else comes out."
-- Shawne Merriman, who is making a completely absurd $310,000 this year.
â€œI won't answer anything. I'm not allowed. Trust me, there are a lot of things I really want to say. I'm not allowed to say anything. As soon as I find out I can comment on the facts and the things that are going on, I will."
-- Merriman (San Diego Union-Tribune)
"Maybe about 20 years ago, the numbers were high as far as players using steroids. I would say it's now under 10 percent or less using steroids or similar-type drugs. These guys don't mess around. To test positive could cost you a lot financially. I don't see why guys mess around with this stuff, because they have so much to lose."
-- unnamed former Cleveland Brown (Baltimore Sun)
OH THOSE SALAD DAYS
"With Fox we had it. We had respect for one another, we loved one another and there was an unselfishness. I recognized that I was working with three major stars. I was perfectly suited ego-wise to make sure they were the ones to shine, to get them the ball."
-- CBS studio host James Brown
"We sugarcoated the education pill, we disseminated information in a humorous fashion. If people could have a good time when they tuned in, then they would listen, and in the process we would drop pearls of wisdom on them."
-- Brown, on his time at Fox.
"People say Fox is No. 1. I helped build that, so I know what the deal is there. They are formidable. But I think we got some pretty darn good talent [at CBS]."
-- James Brown
ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OUR STUDIO SHOW AND WAR AND PEACE WOULD BE LESS RUSSIANS
"I've heard people say (we) are as loose and as comfortable as they've ever seen, but we are still giving out information. Right now the guys are having fun. I mean, it's not War and Peace."
--Brown (USA Today)
"Dan Marino is a Hall of Famer. Shannon Sharpe raised the Super Bowl trophy three times, and Boomer Esiason was one of the great quarterbacks when he retired. He is so TV-savvy. So let me find out their strengths."
-- Brown, on his studio "team"
DR. GUSKIEWICZ, INJURY REPORT. INJURY REPORT, DR. GUSKIEWICZ.
"Our studies do not suggest that football is an unsafe sport. They do underscore the importance of making certain that athletes are without any symptoms before they are allowed to return to participation... They are unlikely to sit out unless a physician or athletic trainer holds them out."
-- Dr. Kevin Guskiewicz, associate professor of exercise and sport science at UNC.
"We've learned more about this injury in the past five years than in the past 50 years."
-- neuropsychologist Michael Collins of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, on concussions. (Charlotte.com)
ALTHOUGH COMPETING FOR A CHAMPIONSHIP AS AN OAKLAND RAIDER IS APPEALING, I THINK I'll HANG ONTO MY SPINE
"I've gotten shots before. Especially with the back, dealing with the nerves, that's not something you want to be dealing around with. I love playing the game, but there's life after football."
-- Raiders running backLaMont Jordan, on his injury issues
OR IN A CERTAIN RUNNING BACK'S CASE, HOST GOOD MORNING AMERICA
"Hopefully, people don't take that the wrong way, but there's other things, like being able to walk, play with your kids."
"After rehabbing and working with our medical staff, it was our hope that John would be ready to play against Cincinnati. Unfortunately, a second opinion conducted Monday afternoon confirmed that John will need minor surgery to help him get back to 100 percent."
-- Falcons head coach Jim Mora Jr. on injured DE John Abraham
AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, I HAVE A HOT PROJECT TO SELL YOU. DENZEL IS ATTACHED, AND NICHOLSON PLAYS TOM COUGHLIN. SIGN HERE
"Any moron should now realize he is retiring and that it has nothing to do with a money grab. There it is. No more character assassination. That was like a Hollywood script. You watch that game, you know it's over. He's clearly knocked out, like Mike Tyson knocked out Trevor Berbick, hitting him right on top of the head."
-- Tiki Barber's agentMark Lepselter, on Tiki Barber's announcement that this will be his last season.
"He doesn't want to take the wear and tear, doesn't want to fall to the ground again completely limp. And we've crafted a plan to put him in a position he can leave. We have multiple networks interested."
SO, BASICALLY, YOU'LL NEVER MISS HIM
"He's the kind of guy, like Bill Parcells used to say about Phil Simms, 'You'll miss him when he's gone.'"
-- Lepselter (New York Daily News)
OTHER FAVORITES INCLUDE WHITE CASTLE, PANCAKES, SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE, TABBY CATS, DMB, HO-HOS, "SUPPLEMENTS"
"I like Outback steakhouse, and some of the other guys introduced me to some other steakhouses. I like the food here. I like meat. Hey, I'm a big guy."
-- Samuel Gutekunst, German OT on the Ravens practice squad, whose hobbies are "snooker, fine cigars, cars and weightlifting."
"He takes the time to fine-tune everything and he's really getting much better. We've learned a lot from him about Germany, and he's fitting in with us."
-- Ravens G Jason Brown
"I was a fat kid. The coaches said I had to get bigger.â€?
SOMETIMES WE'LL JUST CURL UP IN SLEEPING BAGS AND DREAM ABOUT THE PS3
"All these guys have been great. Especially in the locker room, where it's like a big family. They make jokes about my German accent and how I mess up, but it's all in fun. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything."
-- Gutekunst (Scout.com)
A QUOTE MACHINE HAS DIED TODAY
"I hate for it to happen. But all I can do is stay positive about it and try to come back better than I did before the injury."
-- LaVar Arrington, who tore his Achilles in the Giants' 36-22 victory over the Cowboys.
"I told my whole family to watch this game. I told everyone to watch this game because this was going to be the game I realized who I was and (went) out there and played like him."
"Obviously the league's going to work out the economics and if we lose a home game, we'll get compensated. "We're comfortable with it. Obviously we'd like to play in Mexico or Canada and not have to travel to Europe and that's probably the way it would be set up because of our location. But as far as the league's concerned, I think it's a great idea."
-- Pat Bowlen, owner of the Denver Broncos, on the announcement of regular season games outside the United States.
"He didn't succeed in anything but football, which was sad and I'm sure was an embarrassment to him."
-- Tom Callahan, historian and author on QB Johnny Unitas (San Jose Mercury News)
"It wasn't a learning center. Everybody always makes it sound like I'm [unintelligent] or something like that. It was just a class that helped me study, helped me prepare. It's something that a lot of people do; there were a lot of grownups there."
-- Seneca Wallace, Seahawks QB
"It probably was a little embarrassing ... but he did this, and he worked hard to improve his skills and it's helped him. I applaud him for that."
-- Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren, on Wallace's learning disabilities (Heraldnet.com)
"Moments like this are the main reason I'm a Mike Vick fan. For all the talk about what Vick can't do, I like to talk about what he can do. And he does things that no other player in the history of the game at that position has the ability to do."
-- Jim Mora Jr.
"It is what it is."
-- Cowboys quarterback Drew Bledsoe, on losing the starting job to Tony Romo.
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