The Week in Quotes
Football players (and coaches and front-office people) say the darndest things

The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

compiled by Ben Riley


''At 12:01, I had a lot of respect for Trent Green. At 12:20, I said [expletive] Trent Green."

-- Texans defensive tackle Travis Johnson, who was legally blocked below the waist by Dolphins quarterback Trent Green on a reverse. Although Green was concussed on the play, rendered unconscious, and had to be removed on stretcher, Johnson still taunted him while he lay on the turf.

"To hit my knee like that, that's uncalled for. He's like the scarecrow -- he wants to get courage while I'm not looking and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head."

-- Johnson

"God don't like ugly -- you know what I mean?''

-- Johnson

''My knee ain't never hurt like it hurt today."

-- Johnson

"When I was up in the air, looking at the ceiling, I was wondering what was going to happen if I came down on my head. It was a dirty play. Football's not like that. If you want to hit me, hit me in my shoulders, not my knees. That just showed what type of man he is.''

-- Johnson (Miami Herald)

"He outweighs me by over 100 lbs. Where shld I blk him? TG."

-- Trent Green, responding (via text message to Peter King) to Johnson's allegation that the block was dirty. (Sports Illustrated)


"When we cross the 50, we're the worst offense in the National Football League."

-- Falcons tight end Alge Crumpler, describing the Falcons lack of production on offense.

"They keep telling us, 'Trust us, trust us.' We've been trying to trust them the whole time."

-- Crumpler, describing the players' strained relationship with Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino and his coaching staff

"If [the defense is playing] a cover-two and we've got Michael Jenkins running down the middle of the field, or myself running down the middle of the field, why aren't we getting opportunities to make plays? That's what I've been doing my whole career."

-- Crumpler, perhaps overstating the abilities of Michael Jenkins

"But I haven't caught the ball one time since this regime has been here, in practice or anything. So I'm scratching my head. I'm trusting, OK? I'm trusting. But 1-4 makes you think about a lot of things."

-- Crumpler

"Johnny Stockton. Great passer, great assist man. But we were missing layups."

-- Crumpler, making an inexplicable analogy between the Falcons' inability to take advantage of opportunities and former Utah Jazz guard "Johnny" Stockton.

"It just seems like the agenda that we have offensively is preparing the guys that we have in this locker room for the future. I'm not saying the coach isn't trying to win the game. But there just seems to be too much going on."

-- Crumpler

"A bad dream."

-- Falcons fullback Ovie Mughelli, offering his take on the Falcons offense (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

"Yeah, I spoke with Alge this morning, and we had a good conversation. There's one agenda here by the coaching staff, and that's to win every week. Win the game that we're playing that week and that's it."

-- Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino

"I think we had a good conversation, understand that, you know, we don't like to put things like that in the press. I'd rather him walk into my office if he had something to say."

-- Petrino (


"I've had my liver tested for a while to show that I've been clean. I also have been taking a pill given to me by my psychiatrist that makes me ill if I drink alcohol."

-- Suspended wide receiver Koren Robinson, describing his unorthodox rehab treatment for alcoholism (Fox Sports)


"There were kids in this draft that had assaulted police officers, beat up girls, were in drive-by shootings -- and Marcus was the bad guy."

-- Richard Burnoski, agent for Broncos defensive tackle Marcus Thomas, dismissing the drug-related character concerns that led to his client slipping to the fourth round of the 2007 draft. Specifically, Thomas was kicked off the Florida Gators after being suspended for drug use, missing curfew, taking an unapproved out-of-town trip, and skipping a mandatory drug counseling session.

"Look, marijuana is illegal and it was the wrong thing for him to do. But this is no thug."

-- Burnoski

"I got a call from Denver on the second day of the draft, and they wanted to know if I had learned my lesson. I said, 'Yes, sir.' And I did. I realized that you have to live the right way or people are going to think you're a bad person. I don't want people to think I'm a bad guy."

-- Marcus Thomas (Denver Post)


"Obviously, I'm not 21 years old anymore ... A bunch of things have changed, a bunch of elements, a bunch of pieces in the puzzle have gone elsewhere. It's just different. It's not the same as it was and it's never going to be."

-- Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey, addressing his declining involvement in the Giants passing game (Newsday)


"Greg [Olsen] showed me a better way to run my shake routes in the red zone. They don't like us to run those that quick. They like us to sell it. But he sold it real quick and was still able to get up the field, the way I never ran it. I was like, 'I have to put that into my repertoire.'"

-- Bears tight end Desmond Clark, explaining how Bears rookie tight end Greg Olsen demonstrated to Clark the virtues of running a fast route

"One of the first days I was here, [Bears tight end John Gilmore] told me, 'Sometimes, you need to slow down to go fast.' It makes a lot of sense. "

-- Greg Olsen (Chicago Tribune)


"I've been involved in football for 35 years, and I've never seen a game as bizarre as this one. Is it a full moon in Buffalo tonight?"

-- Ron Jaworski, during the fantastic Cowboys-Bills Monday night game

"It is not."

-- Mike Tirico


"It's the Heinz Field Leap, Hop, something? I'm like, 'Go back to Green Bay with that, boy.' I won't do that. I'll be too tired to jump up in the stands and all that."

-- Steelers running back Willie Parker, criticizing the touchdown celebration of teammate Najeh Davenport after Davenport scored two touchdowns against the Seahawks

"You just have to lower the railings a little bit so the rest of these guys can get up in the stands, so Willie can get up in there. His vert isn't really the best."

-- Najeh Davenport, responding to Parker's critique

"I told the guys out there I wasn't doing anything, so I was thinking about ordering a pizza."

-- Steelers defensive lineman Brett Keisel, who got hungry during the Steelers' 10:17 drive to start the third quarter against the hapless Seahawks (CBS Sportsline)


"The only way I don't finish up coaching this year is if I die."

-- Eagles head coach Andy Reid, putting an end to the rumors that he may retire midseason to deal with family issues. (Fox Sports)

"I wouldn't pinpoint any one individual. Right now everybody is a part of the mess."

-- 49ers head coach Mike Nolan, expressing his frustration over the Niners recent performance (San Jose Mercury News)

"I'm not about to put one person under the bus, because that just precedes putting the next person under the bus. That's why I don't go to the bus."

-- Nolan (San Francisco Chronicle)

"Moss has been killing people and we didn't want him to kill us, so we died at the hands of somebody else.''

-- Browns head coach Romeo Crennel, explaining why the Browns let Benjamin Watson kill them

"We're five games into the football season. We played five preseason games. Do the math. Anybody who feels good right now is an alien.''

-- Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin

"I don't know if I've ever been more embarrassed."

-- Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan, after the Broncos lost to the Chargers by 38 points at home (previous three coach-quotes courtesy of Sports Illustrated)

"I think it was the right thing to do."

-- Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino, defending his decision to bench Joey Harrington for ostensible third-string quarterback Byron Leftwich in the fourth quarter of the Falcons loss to the Titans. Leftwich went two-for-eight with one interception, and Petrino announced earlier this week that Harrington will remain the Falcons starting quarterback. (

"It would be nice if we could run the football."

-- Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards (Kansas City Star)

Send your quotes to Contact Us, just like JW and mactbone did this week.


64 comments, Last at 16 Oct 2007, 3:08am

2 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

"It would be nice if we could run the football.�

Well you need to give the ball to LJ more often.

"I’m not about to put one person under the bus, because that just precedes putting the next person under the bus. That’s why I don’t go to the bus"

That's Herm-esque. Brilliant.

4 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

re 2, you should watch the whole answer that came from. It's about 5 minutes of Herm-esque craziness. It's actually quite fantastic. They have the video of it on if you go to the 49ers video section.

5 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

The pill that makes you sick if you drink alcohol is called Antabuse. Doctors sometimes give it to people with really serious drinking problems. I mean, it's not something a borderline alcoholic would be given; you give it to someone who just can't stop drinking.

6 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

That might be the first ever "Flowers for Algernon" reference in the history of professional sports. Well done, Mr. Riley. Well done.

7 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

“The only way I don’t finish up coaching this year is if I die.�

Not to put too fine a point on it, Andy, but if you don't ease up on the cheesesteaks, you might die sooner than you think.

8 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

To be fair to Koren Robinson, that pill actually exists. It's called Antabuse, and it makes it so that your body can't get rid of the the chemical produced by alcohol matabolism that causes hangovers. Said chemical makes hangovers happen much earlier, and last much longer and more potently. It's worth noting that if enough of the pill and/or alcohol are taken together, it can be deadly.

9 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

I thought about submitting "Fans will cheer for Michael Clayton" from a movie commercial. Makes me snicker every time I hear it, despite being burned by him in a fantasy league.

13 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Detroit LB Ernie Sims, courtesty of the Free Press today:

On if he's a big fan of the NFL and will he watch games this week: I’ll probably know all the scores but I’ll probably won’t sit down and watch all the games. You know I have the NFL Ticket, but I don’t ever get a chance to watch it, so it don’t interest me.

14 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

re: 6

I am pretty sure Gregg "Fear my Vast Brookings Intellect" Easterbrook made some kind of Flowers for Algernon reference years ago, when Alge Crumpler first got noticed in the NFL.

15 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007


Actually Dennis Miller referenced Flowers for Algernon once when he was doing monday nights. Can't remember which game.

16 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#4 is absolutely right. I don't know what happened to him, but Mike Nolan channels the spirit of Herm in his press conference. If you want your Herm fix, watch his video. (My name links to the video.) Another quote:

"One of the beauties of this game, and this is one of the things I tell a lot of the coaches, the game is made up of human error. If it wasn't for the human error, then the Xs and Os you sometimes see on the wall here would be all that matters. But the problem is those Xs and those Os are human beings, and when they play, they make errors. And sometimes the guys calling plays to move those Xs and Os around, make mistakes. And therefore, that's the beauty of the game."

Nolan also compares being a head coach to God.

17 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Someone needs to tell Travis Johnson that it was the LION that lacked courage, not the scarecrow.

Few things are funnier than someone trying, and hopelessly failing, to make a pop-culture reference.

Or am I misunderstanding his pop culture reference and therefore have become myself an object of amusement?

18 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

re 8:Antabuse causes acetaldehyde, a normal stage in alcohol breakdown, to build up be destroying the enzyme that breaks it down.
I would take issue with the idea that acetaldehyde is the cause of hangovers:
A: the effects of drinking while taking antibuse are quite different than a hangover.
B: alcohol metabolism is quite steady so the level of intermediate products shouldn't be affected by peak levels while hangovers quite definitely are.
C: There is no hangover preventing pill using the reverse approach of additional acetaldehyde breaking down enzyme and it would be a multi-billion dollar opportunity if it worked that way.

19 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

11: You mean like this?

I am just a doofus
as my story's always told
I have squandered my existence
for a bunch of wide receivers
such are promises

All lies and jest
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
and disregards the rest

When I left my cushy network job
For a franchise like a toy
Owned by men who must be strangers
To the concept of successful seasons, running scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters where the dumbest owners go
Looking for the players only they would know

Asking only for your top picks, I come looking for a trade
But I get no offers
Just the comments from the talking heads that I once knew
I do declare, there were times when I was so clueless
I took advice from there

Now the losses pile up by me, they are rockin even me
I am worse off than I once was, but better than I'll be
That's so unusual
But it isn't strange, after changes upon changes, my team's more or less the same
After changes it is more or less the same

Now they're hanging me in effigy and wishing I was gone, going home
Sticking pins into their voodoo dolls and bleeding me, leading me, but I won't go

In the clearing stands a linebacker, a GM by mistake
And he carries the reminders of every loss that laid him down or cut him
Till he cried out in his anger and his shame
I'm not leaving, I'm not leaving, so the linebacker remains
Yes he still remains

21 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

“If [the defense is playing] a cover-two and we’ve got Michael Jenkins running down the middle of the field, or myself running down the middle of the field, why aren’t we getting opportunities to make plays? That’s what I’ve been doing my whole career" (emphasis added).
See, Alge realizes how good Michael Jenkins is.

His comments also remind me of the implicit ego factor of pro athletes:
1. My stats are down.
2. We're not as good.
3. 2. must be caused by 1.
I'd suggest, perchance, that 1. just might be caused by replacing a quarterback who looked to you every other play with one who doesn't. Then again, that's probably just my cynical side.

Re #12
Alas, commenting subtlety is not the best way to point out typos, as I realized in a previous TWIQ. Better way: "To Fast" in the header about the Bears TE quotes should instead be "Too Fast". A little frank, but easy to see.

24 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

IIRC, acetaldehyde dehydrogenase is slower than alcohol dehydrogenase, causing an accumulation of acetaldehyde, so the more you drink, the more acetaldehyde you've got. The oxidation of acetaldehyde to acetic acid is the rate-limiting step in alcohol metabolism.

27 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Re 16:
Listen to the Mic'd Up Preview for SF-Balt at about the one minute mark. Nolan says, "As always good smart decisions. We gotta a lot of time to throw here. This is where he would take a few chances, he'd think he'd be trying to win the game." Dilfer, "Alright." Nolan, "Rex would."

Now, I think he's referencing Rex Ryan, but it reads very different as Rex Grossman or Alex.

29 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

From yesterday's Belichick press conference (10/10/07):

Q: What is the origin of your sweatshirt?

BB: The origin of it? I don't know. It's comfortable. I can carry my stuff in my pouch here, whatever I need.

30 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#29 excellent quote. While I admire them, I don't like the man much and don't like the team much either, but sometimes I just have to love him. What a great response to a pretty jerky question; that's about the answer I would give.

Or I'd go way sarcastic and say my dying father gave it to me on his deathbed and I promised I'd wear it every day for the rest of my life. Sort of a middle finger in verbal form. But his honest, who-gives-a-f*** answer works best.

33 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#26 - Amen. Although, on the plus side, I ended up dating the hot blonde that I got hammered enough to hit on because of that miss for about six months.

On the minus side, however, she turned out to be insane. That game doesn't link to too many good memories.

34 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

So when can I expect the headlines about how Andy Reid is threatening suicide in an attempt to get out of his contract?

35 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

re: 24
That would invalidate my argument about peak levels.
I'll stand by the noticeably different effects part but even that could be consistent with acetaldehyde being a contributer. So maybe a hangover preventer/reducer is possible?

36 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

I'm just quoting the lit online I've seen on the mechanics behind Antabuse - I've never tried it so I can't compare to how it feels compared to a hangover. I just wanted to point out that the stuff was real (which #5 beat me to because I was distracted while writing the post... damn you, villain!).

37 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#35 Vitamin B-1 and lots of water is a pretty good hangover reducer if taken the night before.

Ironically, a major component of hangover is dehyrdration.

38 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

"So when can I expect the headlines about how Andy Reid is threatening suicide in an attempt to get out of his contract?"

Well done sir. I'm wiping coffee of the monitor.

39 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007


I'm pretty sure there was a Flowers for Algernon reference in the 2005 Football Prospectus about Kurt Warner. I can't find my copy at the moment though.

40 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#30 It wasn't really a jerky question. It was asked by Kenny Mayne, I'm guessing for this weeks "The Mayne Event" bit. He got in a few other questions during the same press conference.

41 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

#8: Yeah, antabuse works by the same reason I can't drink alcohol. Never knew that it could be deadly (I always joked about it, but never knew). Good to know.

42 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Interesting fact: Trent Green meant for his text message to be spelled perfectly. Hopefully his brain has stopped rattling by now.

43 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Best Hangover cure
72 oz h20
3-8 Ibuprofen
And if you vomit it up, you'll need to take the Vitamin I againSeriously, We polished off many Liters of tequilaand are fine.
PS Ibuprofen is also bad for liver.

44 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

And if you vomit it up, you’ll need to take the Vitamin I againSeriously, We polished off many Liters of tequilaand are fine.

Er...define "fine" for us again?

46 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Flowers to Algernon:
well, it might be not the first instance, but Aaron referenced it in Quick Reads last season when Crumpler saved Vick's ass with an outstanding performance.

47 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

After spending some time in Korea I'm convinced that boiled squid eaten the night of the drinking will prevent hangovers. Plus, it tastes pretty good, especially if you get some of the great (noodle? or fish in noodle shape?) soup.

48 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Since it's well known that Alge's first name is Algernon, I would imagine that references to the short story have been plentiful since he stepped onto the field at Chapel Hill. I mean, cleverness isn't the exclusive domain of Outsiders.

#29, the only way that would have been better is if Belichick said something like "Bangladesh, I think. Maybe El Salvador. What difference does it make, it is what it is."

"Take two Aspirin with two large glasses of water, then puke til your lungs bleed, and hurl until you see the angels" -- Woody Boyd.

49 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

My evidence is anecdotal only, but here's what worked for me.

1. Lay down the base - eat a meal before you start drinking. If you can, also take a multivitamin that day or night. Next, try to drink a class of water or something non-alcoholic (but not an "energy drink") with each drink "the night of". Easier said than done, but useful.

2. Eat something, preferably greasy and bready, before going to bed, if you can.

3. Drink a big class of gatorade, or water, take 2-3 aspirin when you go to sleep. Why aspirin? "Tylenol" and iburprofen can be very hard and dangerous to you if you're drinking, I understand. I reccomend triple buffered aspirin.

4. Keep the water by your bed - drink it everytime you wake up, if you do.

5. Upon waking drink tons more, prefererably gatorade, or even coca cola or something - you want to raise your blood sugar (assuming you don't have problems in that direction - if so, why are you drinking so much?).

6. Eat something as soon as you can. Preferrably greasy. Drink some coffee.

7. Take your painkiller of choice and another multivitamin if your stomach can handle it. If you can get something with codeine in it and can stomach it, a light dose of that works wonders. I love countries that sell it over the counter.

7. Watch a lot of football.

50 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007


Yes, but in Korea you can only drink soju. Although I am already addicted, with Korean food it is perfect. Otherwise :-(

51 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Re 50:
Well... it depends where you go. Obviously there's Hite and the other not good beers, but the bars also have liquor from other countries like any bar I've been to in the states.

53 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

My remedy:

Prior - 2 asprin, and if possible a solid meal (a base, if you will, as mentioned above)

After, that night before going to bed - B-Complex vitamin with atleast 32oz of water (maybe some McD's)

Next morning - 2 more asprin as a preliminary caution for any late-to-the-game after affects (cause you know, sometimes when you wake up, you're still a little drunk), another B-Complex. And most importantly a nice tall glass of V-8 (substitute with a bananna or two if you don't like the taste of V-8).

The purpose of the V-8 and/or Bananas is to replenish the potassium that alcohol strips of the body--causing the brain to hurt.

Follow these steps, and you will be fine.

If anything aside from alcohol are involved, you're on your own. This method doesn't always do the trick 100%.

54 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

Dehydration greatly aggravates most hangovers, and if people just forced down a half gallon of water prior to passing, falling asleep, they would feel much, much, better when they came, woke up.

55 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

By the way, I try to be empathetic with drug addicts, but part of me still despises Koren Robinson for doing more to screw up the Vikings' season last year more than any other player or coach. Hey, what can I say? I'm a shallow, egocentric, football fan.

56 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

It's more an article than a quote, but did you guys see this article (linked to my name) about the Patriots poor performance on Sunday?

57 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

56: I thought the article about Trent Green's press conference was funnier, but then I have a twisted sense of humor.

59 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

@ Will Allen #55

I'm not sure whether it's in line with your intention, but that was a simply marvelous bit of deadpan.

60 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

“Nxt time Ill aim fr his blls�-

ok you owe me one starbucks Latte that is now all over my monitor becuase i laughed so god dammed hard :)

64 Re: The Week in Quotes: October 11, 2007

like I was thinking, the effect is much more immediate than simply a worse hangover.

After alcohol intake under the influence of disulfiram, the concentration of acetaldehyde in the blood may be 5 to 10 times higher than that found during metabolism of the same amount of alcohol alone. As acetaldehyde is one of the major causes of the symptoms of a "hangover" this produces immediate and severe negative reaction to alcohol intake. Some 5-10 minutes after alcohol intake, the patient may experience the effects of a severe hangover for a period of 30 minutes up to several hours. Symptoms include flushing of the skin, accelerated heart rate, shortness of breath, nausea, and vomiting.