compiled by Mark Zajack
UH, AM I IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG? JUST TELL ME, IS THAT GOOD OR BAD PUNTING?
"The field position is not going to be good because we didn't punt the ball worth a tinker's damn."
-Packers special teams coach Mike Stock. (Green Bay Press Gazette)
THAT THROW IS A CRIME AGAINST NATURE
"My question was, 'Is it an unnatural throwing motion if it's complete?'"
-Packers head coach Mike McCarthy, on the referee's explanation of a safety called on quarterback Aaron Rodgers for intentional grounding in the endzone. The explanation was that Rodgers made an "unnatural throwing motion."
"I wasn't 100% satisfied with (the official's) explanation."
-Rodgers. (Journal Sentinel)
CAN NO ONE STOP THIS ONE-ARMED MAN? PAGING DR. RICHARD KIMBLE ...
"I came in this morning, and the pain was minimal, the swelling minimal. The doctors put a harness on, and I was ready to go."
-Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, on playing against the Packers with a severely injured shoulder.
"Oh yeah. I knew he was going to play. The media was guessing. The fans were guessing. But I knew. That's Jared Allen."
-Vikings defensive tackle Pat Williams, on the speculation regarding whether Allen would play.
"I think we did pretty good with a guy who (coming in) had a 100 quarterback rating and completed 76 percent of his passes. I think some of those hits took a toll on him."
-Vikings defensive tackle Kevin Williams, on harassing Rodgers all game long.
"Any time you get the quarterback looking at the rushers and not the receivers, you know you're doing a pretty good job."
-Vikings linebacker Napoleon Harris, on Rodgers.
"I took some shots today. They did a nice job, had a good game plan. You have to give them credit."
-Rodgers. (Pioneer Press)
KEEPING THAT RODNEY DANGERFIELD ACT GOING
"We were the underdogs tonight for some strange reason. We're 3-0 (in the NFC East), they're 0-3. We're the defending world champs, but we're the underdogs."
-Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, on being underdogs in Philly. (ESPN.com)
TITANS: NOT SMART, BUT EFFECTIVE AGAINST FURRY CREATURES
"I shot a buck the other night with a muzzle loader, and the thing kicked back and popped me. I wish I had a better story. Stuff happens. I got him. He wasn't very big, he was just a little six-pointer, but I got him. It is the first time I've gotten one in a while. I was pretty happy, even though I was bleeding profusely."
-Titans quarterback Kerry Collins, on how he got a nasty cut on the bridge of nose.
"I'm not smart enough to change or alter the game plan. Once we got it in, it takes a brain to adjust and I can't do that. We were going to throw it."
-Titans offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, on sticking with the game plan, after telling his players last Wednesday that they would have to beat the run-stuffing Bears by throwing the ball. (The Tennessean)
THEY'RE ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU
"They were cracking jokes. They thought we were a joke. They said we [weren't good]. They were saying that to me, that I [wasn't good]. And I told them they [weren't good], too. And they said, 'Well, not as bad as [you].' And I said, 'You're right.' [Because] we haven't won one game."
-Lions running back Kevin Smith, on comments by the Jags players during last week's game.
"You know how players talk on the field. But we're 0-9, so you can't look for really any teams to respect you. You've got to go out there and earn your respect, and you only earn your respect by winning. So therefore, in nine games we haven't earned any respect."
"Say you beat the Detroit Lions by a point, you don't look at it like, 'Oh, we respect them because we only beat them by a point.' No, you might look at it like, 'Oh, we slipped up. We played to their level.'"
-Smith. (Pro Football Talk)
CHILLY, WORKING ON A HAIKU
"If they're not peeing, they're not drinking enough."
-Vikings head coach Brad Childress, waxing poetic on hyrdation. (Star Tribune)
THIS WEEK IN HERM: THE BAD LUCK CONTINUES ...
"We've taken the ball away 20 times, tied with Chicago, so far. When you talk about the gives-and-takes Tennessee leads the league with plus 10 and we're at plus nine. Their record is a little bit different than ours. Generally when you do that your ability to win goes up. I've never been involved in three games where you're plus in the takeaway-giveaway and you lost all three."
-Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards, on losing despite their success in turnover margin (or, now, gives-and-takes). (KCChiefs.com)
"The worst thing that happened to him, and we talked about it at the owner's meeting, was the helmet to defensive players system. On offense it goes to the quarterback. On defense you only have two. We talked at the owner's meeting what if two guys get hurt on defense who are wearing the microphones? Then what do you do? Well, the rule is that's it. You don't get to use the helmet anymore. You're out of luck. Well, guess what? It happened to us. Sure. So, Gun is screaming at the equipment guy, almost having a heart attack hollering at the guy, 'get the microphone in this guy's helmet now.' I had to walk over and say, 'Gun, it's against the rules. You can't do that.'"
-Herm, on defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham's reaction when both of the linebackers he could communicate with via helmet got hurt.
"We give hand signals anyway but that's one of those things that came about. You generally never think you'll lose two guys in a game. First it was (Pat) Thomas and DJ (Derrick Johnson) and then it was Donnie (Edwards) and Thomas. If it can happen it'll happen to us."
SAMURI MIKE DONS A NEW JACKET AND HAS A DREAM
"It got crazy, out of hand at a critical time."
-49ers head coach Mike Singletary, on the bizarre ending to the Cards game. The craziness included general confusion regarding clock management, personnel groupings, an official review, and re-spotting of the ball on the 9ers last drive in which they came up short at the Cardinals goal line. (The Arizona Republic)
"That's on me. ... So, I will put on the jacket for that. I will wear it, we will fix it and will go from there."
-Singletary, on responsibility and the associated apparel. (McClatchy Newspapers)
"That's just a bad job of coaching on my part. I knew what we wanted to do. I called out two different things at the same time. ... That's a 'Coach Martz screwed up' error."
-49ers offensive coordinator Mike Martz, on squandering 23 seconds on the final drive when he called for a personnel grouping change and a spike on the same play. (Mercury News)
"I'm very, very thankful to be working with Mike Martz and I have a great relationship with him. I don't want to make it seem like we're best of friends. It's a professional relationship. I've had the opportunity to sit down with him many nights and just talk ... kind of dream together."
-Singletary. (San Francisco Chronicle)
WITH NOT MUCH LEFT TO LOSE, HOW BOUT A LITTLE EXPERIMENT, BENGALS?
"It has the potential for disaster. It has upside, but the upside isn't worth the downside."
-Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski, on whether he would consider going for it on fourth down more often, with the season already lost at 1-8.
"It would put a great amount of stress on your defense. It could put you at risk, to where it would look really ugly. You could get embarrassed."
"It would make a big difference. On second-and-long, you can think of running, making a short throw or taking a shot at the end zone. Even on third down, it opens up twice as many options."
-Bratkowski, beginning to come around to the idea.
"Well, I don't think you're nuts. There would be some defensive coaches who think you're nuts."
-Bratkowski. (Cincinnati Enquirer)
GIVING BACK TO THE NEXT GENERATION OF PLAYA HATERS
"This week we come back and play the Cowboys, so you know what time it is. I'm gonna teach y'all at a young age to hate the Cowboys."
-Redskins cornerback Fred Smoot, upon being asked about the Skins next game during a visit to promote reading at an elementary school. (Washington Post)
SPEAKING OF KIDS...
"Listen to me -- do not cry during a press conference."
-Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens, appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman to do the Top Ten: Advice for Kids. (Deadspin.com)
LISTEN UP, KIDS: HANDBALL CAMP -- YOUR TICKET TO THE NFL
"The first time I played again, I was so sore that I couldn't lift my arms."
-Former NFL quarterback Jake Plummer, on returning to his first love, handball, after a 12-year hiatus.
"I guarantee it helped my career by rounding out my ability: hand-eye coordination, endurance and mental toughness."
"My ultimate goal is to get coaches to stop specializing their athletes, telling them they can't play other sports because it'll hurt their football. I played all three sports and handball whenever I could. That's why I made it in the NFL -- that rounded me out as an athlete."
"I don't walk off a handball court having [Mike] Shanahan yell at me, 'You missed your guy in the left corner.' I don't have that anymore. I have my own self to get mad at. And I do get mad at myself sometimes. But my wife is like, 'Who are you doing this for? Don't you do this for fun?' And I say 'Yes,' and she says, 'Well then, have fun.' And she's right. It is fun. I want to play this until I'm dead, whenever that is. There aren't many things you can say that about."
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