compiled by Mark Zajack
MAR-TELLUS ABOUT IT
"You can get your first kiss from Oprah, or you can get your first kiss from Halle Berry. Oprah gave me the first kiss. This was Halle Berry right here."
-Cowboys tight end Martellus Bennett, comparing his first career touchdown late in a humiliating loss to the Rams to his leaping grab over Redskins safety Chris Horton, giving the Cowboys their first lead against the Redskins.(Dallas Morning News)
ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE 'JUST HAVING FUN OUT THERE' TEAM IS CROWNED
"That's just one of those things he does. He and the other guy who plays for the Jets."
-Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin, on quarterback Tony Romo's impromtptu shovel pass against the Skins.
"I missed playing ball."
-Romo's post-game comments as he walked around the locker room carrying an iPod boom box that was blaring Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle," wearing a flat cap and a linen suit. (ESPN.com)
BY THE POWER OF DENNY GREEN ... I HAVE THE POWER
"They were who we thought they were!"
-Cardinals defensive end Bertrand Berry channeling Denny, upon taking care of the Seahawks. (East Valley Tribune)
YOUR QUARTERBACK IS SO OLD ...
"I made a joke. The two oldest guys are having a race out there, and Kevin won it."
-Bucs defensive tackle Chris Hovan, commenting on a play in which the 37-year-old Vikings quarterback Gus Frerotte was flushed from the pocket and lost a footrace to 35-year-old defensive end Kevin Carter. (St. Petersburg Times)
I'LL BET $50 ON CHILLY AND HIS ... MUSTACHE
"We can meet on the 50-yard line and we can go at it."
-Jags wide receiver and former Viking Troy Williamson, on his desire to "duke it out" with Vikings head coach
"Do you need my reach? I'm not like a woman; I'll give you my weight. It's 190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin', stompin' dynamite."
-Vikings head coach Brad Childress, when asked for his height and weight on a conference call in response to Williamson thinking he had a few inches and pounds on his old coach.
"Coach Childress is a tough-minded guy. And he has a badass mustache. I put my money on whoever has a kickass mustache."
-Vikings defensive end Jared Allen, liking Chilly's chances. (Associated Press)
WHAT EXACTLY CONSTITUTES A $20,000 SCREW? HMMM... THAT SOUNDS WORTH IT
"We got screwed every way possible."
-49ers offensive coordinator Mike Martz, offered this gem in criticism of the officiating, describing the chaotic ending to the Nov. 10 game against the Arizona Cardinals. Martz has been fined $20,000 for his comments. (ESPN.com)
BELICHICK OPENS THE SUN TZU PEE-WEE COACHING CLINIC
"We played them up there last year and they were up by 21 and they was running run plays with a minute left. They could've kneed the ball. We couldn't win the game. They was up by 21."
-Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter, on playing the Pats in week 14 last season.
"They were up, and I'm looking at [Tom] Brady, thinking he's going to take a knee. We don't have no timeouts or nothing. But they continued to run the ball."
"Yeah, I got a long memory. Why wouldn't you remember that?"
"I was mad at my son's pee-wee game the other day. They was losing 27-0, and there was two minutes left. They had the twos [second stringers] in the game and we was trying to stop them. They got to fourth down, and [the opposing coach] brought back in the ones and they break a touchdown. I mean, these are kids, 33-0."
"What was the point of scoring the extra touchdown for? This was the Super Bowl game. You already won. The kids is already crying. Why would you do that?"
"Seriously, I went up to the coach. I was pissed off. I just wanted to understand "What is the point? You just won. What's the difference in 27-0 or 33-0?" Seven- and eight-year-olds. He just said 'That's life.' That's a reminder to let you know how people think. So you can't never let your guard down, even in pee-wee football."
EXCUSE ME, MR. MAGICIAN, COULD YOU PUT THAT DIRTY RABBIT BACK IN THE HAT, PLEASE?
"Does a bear [defecate] in the woods and clean himself with a white rabbit?"
-Giants running back Brandon Jacobs, when asked if he had confidence in Derrick Ward and Ahmad Bradshaw if he couldn’t play on Sunday. (Inside Football)
IF RODNEY DANGERFIELD AND YOGI BERRA HAD A LOVE CHILD, HE WOULD SAY THIS ...
"It’s still us against the world. There’s just not as many people on the world side."
-Giants center Shaun O’Hara, on how the Giants could maintain an us-against-them attitude in the face of so much praise and success. (New York Times)
"Go root for Buffalo-f#@* you-"
-Browns general manager Phil Savage, with a witty email response to a critical Browns fan. (Deadspin.com)
DAMN HE'S TRENDY
"I think 100 percent of everybody in the league knows now. So I'm kind of a trend-setter."
-Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, educating the masses. (Pottstown Mercury)
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