by Rob Eves
HE'S JUST JEALOUS
"As a team we kind of always pride ourselves on being well prepared, so when I saw some of those pictures, I was a little disappointed because obviously they didn't pack accordingly. They didn't have any shirts."
-- New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, expressing his disappointment in the Giants wide receiver corps, who were photographed partying in Miami this week ahead of the Giants' wild-card game against the Green Bay Packers. (ESPN)
TIL: I HAVE PLAYOFF EXPERIENCE
"I go to the playoffs every year on Madden so I have some playoff experience… I was using (Aaron) Rodgers pretty good on Madden so hopefully I know some of his weaknesses, brecause, y'know, Madden doesn't lie."
-- Giants defensive tackle Damon Harrison, looking to draw from his experience playing Madden as Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers when he goes up against the real thing on Sunday. (Kenny Ducey, Sports Illustrated)
ANY EXCUSE FOR A JAB AT THE BENGALS
"In terms of the extra stuff, we don't worry about that. We're just going to go out and play the football game. You can't get caught up in it, because if you get caught up in it, you do what the Bengals do and you lose the game."
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM IN THE SAME ROOM AS LEE HARVEY OSWALD?
""I don't like Matt Stafford much. He's from Dallas. They killed the President (JFK)… I hold it against him."
"It's cool. I'm kind of getting used to winning now, you know what I'm saying? At first it's like 'yeah!' It's like the first time having sex. And then your second time and then your third time, it's like 'oh yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm getting better at it.' It's really fun."
"I like cake and I eat cake a lot. Every time I get a new slice, I'm just as happy"
-- Bennett, using yet another delightfully hedonistic metaphor to express his optimism about the playoffs. (Mark Daniels, Providence Journal)
THEY SHOULD STRONGLY CONSIDER IT
"(poop emoji) I'm ready to Run The Table if y'all need some CB's(sic) @AaronRodgers12 #StillTryingToGetARingInRetirement"
TIME TO LEAVE THE ISLAND
"Will I be back? That's a great question. My thing would be this: Do the New York Jets want to treat my situation with class or no class? With me being one of the best players in the history of this franchise, do they want me to retire here or not retire here?… That's the biggest question. It's black and white. It's not very complicated."
"What the hell is that, man?… A few years ago, receivers were fearful of him. Now they go in like, they're like, 'Revis Island? Man, I'm about to kick my feet up and have a daiquiri.'"
"The best way I can describe it is, having a diaper on and never changing it. And just sitting in that diaper the whole year."
"Having fun, relaxing, eating crab legs, that's all."
"I guarantee you were are going to win the Super Bowl next year."
WE'LL MISS YOU HERE STEVE
"Yeah, this is it…I know I'm not going to miss practice, I can tell you that… The pressure I'll have now is getting the kids to school on time. Do I eat a pint of ice cream or a gallon of ice cream? Do I want to work out on the treadmill or the StairMaster?"
PROBABLY MAKES IT HARDER TO READ, IF ANYTHING
"Instead of reading his playbook, he was too busy lighting up. Are you serious? First of all, I've been in this system my entire career. Eleven years, I've been in this system. As a defensive lineman, you only have like four (or five) fronts. Man, if you can't remember five fronts, I don't know what to tell you, bro. We can't put the playbook in crayon."
-- Former New York Jets linebacker Bart Scott, criticizing Buffalo Bills defensive lineman Marcell Dareus, who accused recently fired head coach Rex Ryan's defensive schemes of containing "too much detail." Scott played under Ryan from 2009-2012. (CBS Sports)
DUMB QUESTION TBH
"F-cking Google it."
-- A Minnesota Vikings reporter, speaking out at head coach Mike Zimmer's press conference after a colleague asked Zimmer how many impeding free agents the team has currently. (Matthew Coller, ESPN)
VALID QUESTION TBH
"I own this football team. You don't dismiss owners."
-- San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York, responding to a reporter asking why he shouldn't be dismissed along with general manager Trent Baalke and head coach Chip Kelly. (Mercury News)
"That kind of stuff annoys me. The game is so serious and it's so locked in out there, you try to do stuff just to have fun, to break up the seriousness of the game. People are trying to say 'sexual assault' -- people that say that have either never played football, have never been in a locker room and seen the weird stuff. We're together every day for years and years and years. You get very comfortable around each other. I know there's going to be that one person (who says) 'Well, I played football and I never did that.' You either sucked at football, you had no friends in the locker room, or you were the person that went in the bathroom stall to go change because you were scared to shower with the team."
-- Clemson Tigers linebacker Ben Boulware, defending his teammate, defensive tackle Christian Wilkins, who grabbed an opponent's butt during Clemson's Fiesta Bowl win over Ohio State. (Brian Hamilton, Sports Illustrated)
THE WEEK IN PICS, GIFS, & TWEETS
-- A young member of the Detroit Lions field staff, stealing the spotlight from NBC's Michele Tafoya reporting on the sidelines during the Lions' loss to the Green Bay Packers on Sunday Night Football.
NOW IF THE PATRIOTS DID THIS…
-- Alabama linebacker Ryan Anderson, illegally simulating an opposing snap signal to cause a fumble during Alabama's Peach Bowl win over Washington.
Sark ate it pic.twitter.com/68DYZO8mSX
— Busted Coverage (@bustedcoverage) December 31, 2016
-- Alabama offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian, enjoying a snack during the Peach Bowl.
RIP HEADPHONE USERS
-- Pittsburgh Steelers safety Mike Mitchell, reacting to a facemask call during overtime in the Steelers' win over the Cleveland Browns.
COCAINE IS ONE HELL OF A DRUG
-- Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck, celebrating a go-ahead score against the Jacksonville Jaguars in a meaningless week 17 game.