JALEN RAMSEY GOES SCORCHED EARTH
"I think [Buffalo Bills draft pick Josh] Allen is trash. I don't care what nobody say. He's trash. And it's gonna show too. That's a stupid draft pick to me."
"I would've picked [Lamar Jackson] earlier than 32. I think he's gonna do a good job. Especially with the [Baltimore Ravens'] offensive coordinator -- he likes running quarterbacks, likes that read option. And just being honest about it, [Joe] Flacco sucks. I played him two years in a row. He sucks."
"Jared Goff, he's average to above average."
"Dak Prescott, he's good. He's alright. He's okay. I'll put it that way. [Ezekiel Elliott] runs that team though."
"Eli [Manning]…it's not really Eli. I think it's Odell [Beckham Jr.]. I won't say Eli's good, I'll say Odell's good."
"Big Ben [Roethlisberger], I think he's decent at best…He has a strong arm, but he ain't all that."
"What's the Atlanta quarterback's name? … I think Matt Ryan's overrated."
-- Ramsey goes rapid-fire at one point in the article, scrolling through a list of names on his phone and dissecting quarterbacks one by one. During this runoff of names, he lists Jared Goff of the Los Angeles Rams, Dak Prescott of the Dallas Cowboys, Eli Manning of the New York Giants, Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers, and Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons, who Ramsey had to be given the name of. Ramsey went on to also mention at least five other quarterbacks during this stretch.
"Aaron Rodgers does not suck. Tom Brady doesn't. I think Marcus Mariota is a good quarterback for their team. I think Tyrod Taylor is actually a better quarterback than he gets credit for, because he does not make mistakes."
"Deshaun Watson, he'll be the league MVP in a couple years. One hundred percent. There's not even a debate about that. Him and Carson Wentz, for every year starting now until five to ten years, it's gonna be them two. They're that good."
"I think [Kirk Cousins] is good. I think he's a winner. He's a hell of a competitor."
-- Sprinkled intermittently throughout that negativity are glimmers of praise. These were the quarterbacks that Ramsey thinks highly of. (GQ)
EVERYONE MISSES JAY, EVEN DEFENSES
"If I'd played against Jay Cutler more, I'd be in the Hall of Fame."
MONEY AIN'T A PROBLEM
"Whoever said money don't make you happy lied."
A REVOLUTION STARTS WITH ONE VOICE
"First game, it's gonna look majestic. You'll think I have a '69 Camaro out in the parking lot blasting Motley Crue …This isn't a haircut, it's a lifestyle. You gotta have a Busch Light in your hand and an American Flag."
-- Memphis linebacker Jackson Dillon has made it his job this season to bring back a relic from a bygone era: the mullet. (Sudu Upadhyay, WMC Action News 5/Twitter)
THOSE FOOTBALL PANTS REALLY ACCENTUATE IT, TOO
"I'm not even a wide receiver. I've got a tight end and a tight booty."
-- New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski always makes these articles a pleasure to write. (Jeff Howe, The Athletic via Twitter)
UNFORTUNATE ORDERING OF LAST NAMES
"You gotta love Long Cox, right?"
-- Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Fletcher Cox, accompanied by fellow defensive end Chris Long, gives an interesting answer when asked if everyone on the team loves each other. (Matt Mullin, Philly Voice via Twitter)
LIGHTEN UP BILL, IT'S AUGUST
"We need to do pretty much everything better, just not good enough in any area … about 38 seconds of good football."
-- New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, down 17-3 at half to the Washington Redskins, never drops the charade. Not even for Week 1 of preseason. The Patriots would go on to win 26-17. (Laces Out Show via Instagram)
THAT'S ONE BIG MISSING PIECE
"Right up the Gut lol [shrug emoji]"
-- Los Angeles Rams defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh left this comment on a video from the official NFL Instagram. The video was a highlight of Carolina Panthers running back Christian McCaffrey driving his way through a Suh-sized gap in the Miami Dolphins' defense. (Laces Out Show via Twitter)
NOT A FAN OF THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE, AIN'T TOO FOND OF THE LAND OF 10,000 LAKES
"I couldn't even be mad. I was mad, of course, but it was like how does that even f*cking happen? That's not even real. It's almost not realistic, like what the f*ck?"
"We'd beat the sh*t out of [the Eagles] cause we was rolling. If we won [versus Minnesota], I knew nobody was gonna stop us cause we came all the way back."
"So, yeah, f*ck Minnesota."
-- New Orleans Saints running back Alvin Kamara opens up about the Minnesota Vikings' miracle finish against the Saints during the playoffs, and how he thinks things would've gone if wide receiver Stefon Diggs had not come up with that iconic catch. (Bleacher Report)
THIS WEEK IN SOCIAL MEDIA
IS THIS THING ON?
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) August 4, 2018
-- Los Angeles Chargers linebacker Denzel Perryman brought his daughter up with him to the press conference. Evidently, Perryman's daughter has never seen or touched a microphone before.
LOOKS UP TO HIM ON AND OFF THE FIELD
Mitch Trubisky not recognizing that he's signing an autograph for his own backup quarterback is my favorite preseason highlight pic.twitter.com/urm5KDfXKr
— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) August 8, 2018
SOME MINOR TINKERING
-- Minnesota Vikings safety Andrew Sendejo reacts to the NFL's incredibly confusing new tackling rules and mods his helmet to make sure he's always leading with his facemask.
IF YOU'RE IN THE GAME, THEN THE STROKE'S THE WORD
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) August 17, 2018
-- Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff sat down with Pardon My Take to talk about his throwing mechanics and release point. Or, as head coach Sean McVay refers to it, his "stroke."
STICK TO FOOTBALL, LEAVE MADDEN TO THE PROFESSIONALS
— Antwaun Woods Sr. (@AntwaunWoods_) August 15, 2018
-- Several Dallas Cowboys players decided to take on professional Madden player Drini Gjoka in the newest installment of the franchise … and got their doors blown off. That's a combined score of 180-13 across nine games, with safety Kavon Frazier scoring the only touchdown amongst the Cowboys.