"I've got the guy at Rouses, or at freaking Whole Foods, asking me about the freaking two-point play. I looked at him, the guy from the meat section. I said. 'Hey, your steaks don't look too good right now, worry about your freaking meat.' Driving me crazy."
-- New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton has been reminded all week about Sunday's decision for going for two against the San Francisco 49ers. Missing the two-point conversion seemingly acted as the deciding factor in the 48-46 loss. (The Athletic)
TAKING A NEW LANE
"[Analytics don't] tell you how to coach the way most coaches coach. The old-school way, from an analytics standpoint, is extremely conservative. There's so many more times you're supposed to be going for it, you're supposed to not be kicking long field goals. Or people just punt and they go kick, and people don't realize OK, there's a 6% chance to make that field goal,' but as the coach you say, 'Well I put him out there and he missed it, I did what I was supposed to.' A lot of coaches are afraid of the press conference afterwards, so they do the conservative easy thing because then you guys don't rip them. So get ready to rip me."
-- Ole Miss head coach Lane Kiffin delivers his first press conference from Oxford, emphasizing analytics and risks over "conservative" coaching. (Sudu Upadhyay, WMC Action News via Twitter)
PUT THE WHOLE TEAM ON YOUR BACK
"Don't let one guy tackle you. That was my mindset. Just try to run through 'em. Try to carry him as far as I can."
-- San Francisco 49ers tight end George Kittle looked like a man among boys as he carried three New Orleans Saints players an extra few yards after contact late in Sunday's game. Here he gives up a quick peek at his mindset during those moments (B/R Gridiron via Instagram)
WHO DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
"Bill isn't that dumb."
"You'd have to believe he's remarkably stupid to do this."
-- An unnamed AFC West assistant coach gives his take on this week's discovery that a New England Patriots-hired independent videographer was filming the Cleveland Browns-Cincinnati Bengals game while they were reportedly filming a documentary. (B/R Gridiron via Instagram)
A TALE OF TWO TWEETS
"You know what.... I'll make the Eagles receiving [corps] right now. And I'm currently at a bar at this present moment."
-- Retired wide receiver Reggie Wayne had a tough time watching this Philadelphia Eagles receiving corps at the bar on Monday. The Eagles entered the game with only three active wide receivers and finished the game with only one healthy one. (Reggie Wayne via Twitter)
"This dude is out here in the rainstorm from The Notebook, wearing gloves, throwing to dudes with shadow pictures on the team website.... just to catch sh*t on the timeline."
-- In an unrelated tweet, extremely online retired defensive end Chris Long gives his own two cents, praising Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz's effort given the circumstances. (Chris Long via Twitter)
RIVERS TALKS TRASH LIKE A CHARACTER FROM THE OFFICE
Philip Rivers: "90-yard touchdown! 90-yard touchdown!"
Yannick Ngakoue: "Hey. Don't do that by my ear."
PR: "I will do that by your ear! That's what I do! That's what I do!"
-- Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers and Jacksonville Jaguars defensive end Yannick Ngakoue got into some all-time boring trash talk exchange during Sunday's game (@ChargersHype via Twitter)
THE LEGEND OF LOCK
"[Drew Lock]'s a f***ing rock star."
-- Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller has the highest of praise for rookie quarterback Drew Lock. (B/R Gridiron)
A WAR OF THE MINDS
"Neither of us think that much anyway, so that would be almost impossible."
-- Tennessee Titans head coach Mike Vrabel doesn't seem like he's going to play mind games with Houston Texans head coach Bill O'Brien on Sunday, considering they don't have much going on up there, anyway. (Rivers McCown via Twitter)
THE BOOK OF ELI'S FINAL CHAPTERS
"Hadn't played in a few months. I don't know if I'm gonna play again. So it was pretty obvious why it was important."
-- New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning is closer to the last game of the year than he is his first. So when he got the chance to start in Philadelphia, a game his wife usually doesn't attend due to rough crowds, of course she made the effort. (Jordan Raanan, ESPN via Twitter)
"The bigger surprise is I bowled a 251 off the flu. ... Career-high."
-- New York Jets running back Le'Veon Bell was ruled out of last week's game against the Miami Dolphins due to illness and caught heat for going to a bowling event the night before said game. Bell's more surprised by what he bowled than with the controversy itself. (Manish Mehta, NY Daily News via Twitter)
THEY'LL MAKE YOU LOOK COOL
"I think I smoked my first cigarette thinking I was Fred Biletnikoff."
-- Oakland Raiders head coach Jon Gruden was asked who his favorite Raider was growing up, and he threw out an all-time answer. (John Shipley, Jaguars Maven via Twitter)
CUT FROM DIFFERENT CLOTH
"We're obviously a little different in those aspects. I would never do some of the stuff that he's done, but that's my boy. He knows that. I just let him do those things, and we just laugh at him."
-- Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kyler Murray may have shared a QB room with Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield at Oklahoma, but Kyler notes how they approach things differently. It's all love at the end of the day, though. (Josh Weinfuss, ESPN via Twitter)
WHO YA GOT?
"Me vs Lamar, 40 Yard Dash on natural grass but he has to wear rollerblades. Who's buying the PPV?"
-- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has no shot against Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson in a completely even footrace. What about putting Jackson on skates? (Tom Brady via Twitter)
THIS WEEK IN SOCIAL MEDIA
SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT IS GOING ON HERE
We debuted a new mixed-reality feature tonight as part of the gameday fan experience. 😈 pic.twitter.com/26SzvWIOEx
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) December 13, 2019
-- The Baltimore Ravens unveiled a new "mixed reality" feature during Thursday Night Football and I still have no idea how they did it.
NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH MAGIC HANDS, RANDY
This magic trick 😱 ... How? pic.twitter.com/XOhZELBuOc
— SportsNation (@SportsNation) December 10, 2019
-- They had a magician on-set for Monday Night Football, and Randy Moss could not have been more impressed
GIVE ME A DOCUMENTARY OF JUST THIS
credits start rolling and then the real conversation starts happening lmfao pic.twitter.com/il8aLaVKXR
— betz (@alltwentytwo) December 11, 2019
-- HBO Sports unveiled their newest documentary, The Art of Coaching, starring New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick and Alabama head coach Nick Saban. While the doc was chock-full of football jargon and in-depth analysis, the real impassioned talking didn't start until the director said "Cut!" and the two began comparing practice notes.